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Post by starrea on May 16, 2020 16:08:41 GMT
Knox waited for Nadia to come back from where ever she disappeared to inside of her. It wasn’t hard to deduce that she wasn’t used to this side of life - pain, violence, suffering. It only deepened his burning resentment. The memories that he had spent years blocking out came raging forward with a vengeance. He could see himself on the cell floor. He could see how dirty and hungry he was, but most of all, how lonely he was. He had lost track of how many days they had left him down there and somewhere along the way, he had lost himself. He remembered the feeling of pure happiness when they showed up, telling him over and over that they were there to save him. They hadn’t been lying but at the time, Knox completely forgot that they were the ones who condemned him in the first place.
Whatever Knox had been expecting from Nadia, that had not been it. Her rapid shift in demeanor rattled him and he couldn’t stop himself from flinching when she reached out to him. What made it even worse was that he could hear the truth ring in her words. Before, Nadia made it very easy to resent her. She was predictably selfish and manipulative and Knox could prepare himself for that. Her sudden concern for him was unnerving. He didn’t quite know how to respond d to that and it made her frighteningly unpredictable.
Knox watched Nadia warily and slowly pulled his arm out from under her touch. Just because she had a moment of genuine concern did not mean that she wasn’t still his enemy, one who wouldn’t hesitate to hurt him. He couldn’t let himself get tripped up it.
“I have the ability to detect deception. I know when people are lying.” Knox didn’t hesitate to answer. He knew that Nadia would force the answer out of his one way or another so he decided to save themselves both the time and pain. Anyway, he was a man or of his word and he hadn’t been joking when he said he never lied. Knox had initially been surprised that Nadia hadn’t known about his abilities but he really shouldn’t have been. The Royal Family has kept him mostly a secret and used his abilities to unveil liars under the guise of divine intervention. There were probably only a handful of people who knew what he could do.
Nadia’s genuine concern had been enough to cool off his resentment, at least for the moment, and he found himself lost without it. If he didn’t hate her, then how was he supposed to respond? He could feel his identity slipping through his fingers like sand and he suddenly felt like the same boy who laid on the dirty cell floor and had no idea who he was anymore.
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Post by Val on May 17, 2020 18:16:33 GMT
Nadia's eyebrows furrowed as she tried to wrap her head around his revelation. It was obvious now why the Royals favored him; there was nothing more convenient than having a lie detector at your disposal. She studied his face carefully, curiosity reflecting in her eyes as the unshed tears dried out. She wondered how it worked and what it felt like to be immune to the toxicity of lies. Jealousy stirred in the pit of her stomach, as it often did when she was confronted with the fact that there were so many people more gifted than she was.
She finally averted her gaze, her lips taking on a pout as it often did when she was deep in thought. She began filtering through the things she had said to him, wondering if he had detected any lies that were causing him to be withholding. Surprisingly enough, she came up blank. Even without the knowledge of his ability, she had chosen her words very carefully and could not recall lying to him.
"So you know that I'm being honest with you," she surmised, glancing back up at him, "Why do you refuse to trust me if I have not lied to you?" she questioned, determined to find a way through the defenses he had built around himself.
She never expected it it to be easy- he was a prisoner after all- but she saw no reason why she couldn't convince him to work with her. They were stronger and safer as a team. His blind loyalty to Tjadmir was the true root of the problem. If she could sever Knox's attachment to them, then perhaps he would be able to see what he was capable of out from under their thumb. She had accomplished this, but only because of the catalyst that was Alister. Knox didn't have an Alister here; he only had her.
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Post by starrea on May 22, 2020 18:25:28 GMT
Once again, Nadia managed to stun Knox into silence. He could feel her confusion infused into her words and it was baffling that she really had no idea why he was so defensive around her. The more he stayed in Raevaryn, the less he liked it. Then again, he realized, the atmosphere of the castle at home was also wrought with drama and deception. Maybe it was humanity that he was losing faith in.
He hadn’t ever allowed himself to think so negatively about his King and his homeland, but his forced stay in Raevaryn was making him bitter towards just about everyone. Knox wasn’t even sure if he wanted to return home anymore - but he knew he would. Despite his anger, Knox was a creature of habit and without the Royal Family, he had nothing but the clothes on his back. However tempting the thought was becoming, Knox knew he wouldn’t be able to start over. He was stuck as a pawn in a game he would never win, waiting until he was eventually no longer needed.
“You can’t possibly be serious. You refused to tell me what happened to the Queen, and then held me hostage to keep me from reporting back to the Royal Family. I may not know exactly what happened to her, but it wasn’t a simple suicide. If you were telling the truth, there would be no need for such theatrics. Not to mention that you’ve... risen to power - without an adequate explanation. You’ve turned your back on your country, your traditions, your Queen, and your gods. Just because you haven’t directly lied to me doesn’t mean you’re telling the truth.” Knox snapped. Despite his struggling alienation from their home country, he made it very clear how disgusted he was that Nadia had turned her back on everything she knew.
“Are you going to throw me in a cell or can we leave the dungeons?” Knox snapped impatiently, his anger successfully hiding his fear. He was already fracturing and if Nadia left him a cell, he would surely shatter into a million pieces without the hope of ever being able to be put back together.
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Post by Val on May 27, 2020 1:57:17 GMT
Nadia smoldered the entire time Knox spoke, allowing his disrespectful tone to sink in and wash away any pity she might have felt before. It seemed that being harsh and unforgiving worked far better in her favor than being reasonable. She had shown him a gentler side that he quite frankly didn't deserve, and he had spat it back in her face. If that's what Knox wanted, then that is what he would get.
She held his gaze for several long, grueling seconds after he had finished, making sure he could see the fire he had reignited in the depths of her eyes. She turned slowly and faced one of the empty cells, seeming to regard it for a moment by scanning the barren floors and the damp ceiling. She tilted her head to one side and looked like she might command him into it's depths, but only held the pose long enough to scare him. "Not yet," she replied decidedly.
Turning around, she breezed past him back up the stairwell, but whipped back around to block his path just as quickly. She had wanted to wait to respond to his many statements, but she had to let some of it loose before she imploded, "You're right. I have risen to power, and that is something that you will never achieve. Why? Because you remain blindly loyal to all of the things that have held you back. Your loyalty is weakness. You are weak," she emphasized the statement, mimicking his disgust.
"I suggest you start worrying less about the truth and more about pleasing me. I am your new Queen, Knox. And you should be very afraid." Without waiting to see his reaction, she turned and swept up the stairs, ascending quickly until she exited the dungeons altogether and continued onward without a pause. The guards would be waiting to make sure he followed to their next destination; a nearby beach that would prove to be far more pleasant than their first stop.
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Post by starrea on May 29, 2020 3:00:38 GMT
Something inside Knox snapped. Knox was hardly surprised by Nadia’s venomous retort but that didn’t dull the sting of her words. She wasn’t the first to call him weak, even Knox himself knew it, but it wasn’t until that moment that he truly acknowledged it.
Knox had always remained detached from his situation. It was easy to accept things as they were because he had no power to change them. He had never lied to himself, never told himself that he was strong, or important, or tried to reason that what he went through was right. Knox knew he was weak, he knew he was ruined. But something in him shifted because all that resentment that he had spent years burying - resentment towards the Royal Family but mostly resentment towards himself - exploded into the forefront of his consciousness. For the first time in over a decade, it was glaringly obvious that he was ruined. There was no future for him, no salvation, no fixing it.
Knox simmered at Nadia’s words. Even though Nadia had experienced oppression at the hands of their culture, it was nothing compared to experience he had gone through. It was so easy for people to judge his choices, to criticize his loyalty and submission, to fault him for not being strong enough. The thing is that they hadn’t had their power taken away like Knox had. They hadn’t been broken down to nothing and then completely rebuilt into someone entirely new. They hadn’t spent months in dark isolation, or forced to consume rotten food and drugs, or forced to crawl on the floor like an animal. He had chosen not to live like that anymore. If Nadia thought she had it bad before, he would love to see what she would have done in his situation.
Even after Nadia’s inflammatory words, most of Knox’s resentment was directed at himself. It was so strong that he felt physically nausea and he swallowed down bile that was threatening to spew out. The version of Knox that had been so carefully crafted by the Royal Family was crumbling to dust and he didn’t know what would be left behind.
Knox almost snorted at Nadia’s comment. Her request was coming too late and the Knox that lived for the sake of pleasing others was falling to pieces. Right now, for the first time in well over a decade, he truly didn’t a damn about pleasing anyone. Knox was tired of playing a game he would never win and he was done. He knew this decision had ramifications - he couldn’t return home, couldn’t stay here, probably would be executed, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. All that was left was burning resentment and he embraced it.
He followed Nadia wordlessly, not about to oppose the decision to leave the dungeon. He was ruined, but he would bring ruination.
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Post by Val on Jun 3, 2020 15:52:53 GMT
Nadia arrived on the beach ahead of Knox, needing to momentarily distance herself from him. She felt an undeniable rush from exerting her power over him, and the sympathy she felt was quickly waning. At this point, she wasn't even sure if it was sympathy she was feeling, or just a pestering obligation to do what was right. However, settling in to her new life was proving to blur the lines of morality beyond recognition.
Nadia stepped out onto the quiet beach outside of Raevaryn castle, inhaling a deep breath of the sea air. She kicked her shoes off and sunk her toes into the sand, waiting until she heard the approach of Knox and the guards that were leading him. Without glancing back, she strode toward the water until the chilly tide lapped at her feet. Without regard for her clearly expensive dress, she waded in to her knees, soaking the fabric.
She remained like this for several moments with her eyes focused on the horizon, sensing Knox's presence behind her. "Do you want to know what happened to Yasmin?" she asked. At this point, she saw no need to keep things from Knox. He wasn't going to be returning to Tjadmir and, when it came down to it, no one was directly responsible for the Queen's death other than the out of control werewolf. Whatever Knox thought had happened was probably far different from reality.
Backing out of the water, she sat gracefully in the sand and finally glanced up at Knox expectantly. Her rage had simmered, but the air between them was different now. She wasn't sure what Knox was thinking, but she considered it safe to assume that he was growing to hate her. It was expected, and yet she still had hope of his cooperation, even if it took bending him to her will.
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Post by starrea on Jun 6, 2020 2:42:36 GMT
The walk to the beach was tense. Nadia had swept ahead of him and he made no move to hurry after her. Had he the ability to choose, he would have rather retired to his room to stew on his newly-accepted resentment, but he wasn’t foolish enough to even try. Instead, he dragged his feet, surprised that the guards let him set the place as they trailed down to the beach.
As soon as they hit the sand, Knox slipped his sandals off. He could already predict finding sand in his room long after today and he had to force that anxious thought out of his head for now. He had only been to the beach, a true beach with the ocean, once before but it didn’t look as impressive as it had been before. The first time he had seen the ocean, the sheer expanse of him had left him speechless. Now, he felt entirely indifferent. Things Knox had seen beauty in before were dull and lifeless to him now.
He didn’t wade into the water after Nadia. He wasn’t a fan of freezing cold water, sharks, stepping on sharp rocks or shells, seaweed, being unable to see the ocean floor clearly for any threats, and wearing wet, salty clothes.
It took a moment for Knox to genuinely consider her question but the answer came easily: “No, I don’t want to know.” The only thing that mattered was that Yasmin had died but the story of her death was inconsequential to Knox at this point. He wasn’t going home so he had no need to pretend to care about his mission anymore.
The ocean stretched back until it merged with the horizon, creating an endless trail of blue. The waters were calm today and Knox imagined how angry the ocean got when it stormed. He wondered if this is how Nadia would execute him - drown him out in the ocean. He could see himself slipping beneath the surface, the light from above the water getting dimmer and dimmer as he sank down.
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Post by Val on Jun 8, 2020 20:21:51 GMT
Nadia curled her toes into the sand, studying him candidly as he gazed out to sea. His eyes appeared lifeless and devoid of hope. She supposed he would blame her for that, but he hadn't been in much better of a state when he first arrived. Knox was a man without conviction; he was better of shedding his empty shell and joining the hermit crabs that were scuttling aimlessly along the shore.
Sighing, she picked up some sand and let it fall absentmindedly through her fingers. His response didn't appear to faze her in the slightest; she was going to tell him either way. "Yasmin died at her wedding. One of the guests exposed himself as a werewolf," she used their native word for the supernatural beast, pausing to see if it would peak his interest at all, "The monster was out of control and many people were slaughtered that day. It was a horrific accident that no one could have seen coming," she insisted.
Nadia herself had been terrified during the chaos. She'd never seen anything like it, and she would be lying if she said she didn't fear dangerous people like that, "This information was withheld from you because we know how suspicious it seems. It's an incredibly unbelievable story, but I know you can tell that I speak the truth. Yasmin's death was an accident."
Of course, she didn't yet delve into the more complex details of how she rose to power. In her eyes, love and fate (or perhaps convenience) had launched her to the top. She still refused to entertain the idea that Alister likely could have saved Yasmin; Nadia was far too blinded by the notion that the king had sought her out in the aftermath and professed his love for her. She didn't care to know exactly what had happened during the bloodbath that led to the newly crowned queen's demise. Yasmin had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and the beast had struck.
"Maybe none of this makes a difference for you, but you deserve the truth." Her gaze lingered on Knox for a moment longer before she turned her attention back out to sea, shifting so that she was hugging her knees to her chest. "You can sit," she offered, suddenly wishing he would just have a conversation with her. She rested her chin on her knees, looking very much like the young and innocent girl that had left the shores of Tjadmir not long ago.
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Post by starrea on Jun 12, 2020 1:45:46 GMT
Knox shouldn’t have been surprised that Nadia ignored his one request, but he couldn’t quash the surge of irritation as Nadia recounted the story of Queen Yasmin’s demise. It didn’t matter that she was telling the truth and that Queen Yasmin’s death had, in fact, been an accident. It didn’t even matter that she was being genuine when she said that he deserved the truth. What mattered was that by telling him that story, Nadia had managed to both reassert that his wants did not and would never matter, and that he wasn’t going back to Tjadmir.
The reality of his situation finally struck him - he was never going back to Tjadmir and he felt.... nothing. Knox waited but nothing changed, no sadness or anger bubbled up from the back corners of his mind. He was woefully apathetic, but at least here he didn’t have force himself to be someone he wasn’t. Now that Knox had released all the pent-up frustrations spanning back over years, there was no way he could go back to being the person he was before he cane to Raevaryn. He couldn’t simply pack his frustrations away and pretend like he hadn’t snapped. At least here in Raevaryn, he was free to be as cynical and jaded as he pleased. Even though Knox knew there was no happy ending for him here in Raevaryn, he did feel a degree of relief to know that he wouldn’t have to exist in the extremely stressful and toxic environment that was the Tjadmir Palace.
The entire time Nadia talked, his eyes had been stoically locked onto the line where the sky and sea merged. He was a master of repressing his emotions and even though they were waging war on the inside, he remained relatively impassive on the outside. Her final request did surprise him, and his gaze flicked to her for a moment as if he needed to double check that she had really asked him to sit next to her. He surprised himself even more when, a second later, he complied.
Knox still hadn’t said anything, mostly because he knew that it didn’t matter what he said. Whatever was going to happen to him, whateve Nadia was planning, was out of his hands.
“I don’t think I believe in divinity anymore.” Knox hadn’t realized he had even spoken until the sound of his own voice hit him, but he kept going. “They told me that my ability was a gift from Nyvuni herself, they said she was speaking to me. But it never felt like anyone was speaking to me. And then they wanted to pretend that they could detect deception, that Nyvuni was speaking to them. They told me it wasn’t a lie because she was speaking to me, and I was a part of their family. They said people needed to believe. I tried every damn day to talk to Nyvuni. I prayed and prayed and prayed, I made offerings, I studied the sacred texts... but she never spoke to me. Not once.”
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Post by Val on Jun 13, 2020 3:49:38 GMT
Nadia hadn't expected Knox to take her up on the offer, but she felt an unexpected rush of relief when he sat in the sand beside her. It wasn't until that moment that she realized she actually cared what Knox thought of her. As good as she was at playing the part of ruthless queen, there were more layers to her than that- the outer most being her desire to be accepted, especially by those she looked up to. In their past life, Nadia had great respect for Knox, but things had changed so much that the old feelings of kinship were obscured.
She listened to what he had to say, frowning to herself as she was forced to think about her own spirituality. It was something she usually avoided, because it tended to bring up bad memories and long repressed guilt. She could understand Knox's desperation for answers from a higher power, but her attempts at communication had been far different. She could remember blaming Nyvuni for her misfortunes. During times of prayer, she would question and deny rather than praise their God.
"I don't think I've ever believed," she admitted. She scooped up a handful of sand and absentmindedly allowed it to slip through her fingers, "I wanted to...so badly. But believing meant I had to accept that Nyvuni chose to ignore me; that I was doomed to live a life of inferiority," she paused, glancing sideways to study Knox. She wondered what it was like to have such a unique ability. He wasn't the only one; so many prominent people seemed to be gifted, including Alister. She, however, was painfully average.
"I never felt heard, until I came here." She didn't realize how true the words were until they left her mouth. Even more revealing was the fact that she could see that Knox felt the same way, even if he didn't yet realize it. He was saying things that he'd probably never even let himself think before; he was speaking his truth.
"Do you want to go back?" she asked quietly, wondering if he was capable of admitting thoughts of desertion, or if he would continue to maintain blind loyalty to their nation.
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Post by starrea on Jun 16, 2020 2:20:10 GMT
Now that the words were out of his mouth, there was no taking them back. It was different when the thoughts were confined to his mind, but now that they were out there, they seemed so much realer. But he wasn't sure he was capable of believing that she wasn't real either. If Nyvuni truly did not exist, then that meant that Knox had spent his entire life believing in something that nothing more than a figment of the imagination. It wasn't just Knox - an entire kingdom of people had centered their culture around something that wasn't real. Knox knew the extent of the lies the Royal Family fed to the people, but he also knew that they weren't lying when they spoke of their divine blood - but Knox was starting to see that believing in something didn't make it true.
The first thing the King had told him when he arrived at the palace was that he was not worthy of his gift, but not to worry, they were going to make him worthy. They explained the process to him before it started, they told him that they needed to break him down to build him back up into something worthy of communicating with Nyvuni. They told him how hard it would be, how painful, but they encouraged him to be strong. So when it was pitch black during his three or months of isolation, it was Nyvuni whom he talked to. When they submerged him in freezing water and dragged him out, only to leave him shivering on the floor, it was Nyvuni whom he prayed to. When they cut the soles of his feet so deep it left him unable to walk for weeks, it was Nyvuni's name he screamed.
When they handed him the knife and told him Nyvuni demanded he kill himself in her name, he hadn't hesitated to raise it to his throat. He hadn't managed to cut very deep before the knife was knocked out of his hand, but a small scar on the right side of neck proved his devotion.
After that, the responsibility of maintaining his worthiness had shifted onto himself and he self-disciplined to atone for his mistakes. The bottom of his feet were disfigured with scars and his hands always ached when it rained because of how many times he had broken them.
If Nyvuni wasn't real, then everything that Knox had gone through, all of the pain that Knox had suffered would have been for nothing.
As Knox followed that original innocently-irritated train of thought down the rabbit hole, he felt himself slowly shut down. The reality of the lie was larger than life itself, something that Knox couldn't - wouldn't - face. Instead of hysteria, a sense of calmness settled over Knox. He almost wanted to laugh at himself - his life had been one giant joke, straight from the day he was born and cursed with an ability he wished he never had. The King had been woefully accurate about one thing, he had never been worthy.
"It doesn't matter what I want. It never did, and it never will." Knox answered easily, his tone free of bitterness. He felt calm and he wasn't sure why, but it didn't matter. As it was turning out, most of his life hadn't mattered, so this was just par for the course. "The decision has already been made, so how I feel is entirely irrelevant." As he spoke, his eyes stayed glued to the line where the sky and sea met, wondering how they could seem so close together when Knox knew that they were really hundreds and hundreds of miles apart.
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Post by Val on Jun 28, 2020 0:53:37 GMT
As much as Nadia wanted to believe that she understood Knox, it was becoming apparent that the depths of his despair were far beyond her reach. She would never accept that something was impossible, but she was ready to admit that getting through to Knox- shaping him into what she wanted- was not going to be easy. He'd already been molded into something unrecognizable; a shell of a man slowly losing the will to live.
It was depressing to the point of discomfort, but Nadia forced herself to look at him- really look at him. She started at his eyes, blank and focused out to sea. She continued to study his features, expecting to find familiarity, but coming up short. As much as she liked to thing she could remember the boy she once knew, he no longer existed. The longer she looked, the more scars she discovered, as though they were rising out of his skin just to get her attention. In contrast, Nadia's skin had remained smooth and untouched. The most valuable qualities of a handmaiden were obedience and purity- two things she sorely lacked these days.
While her eyes were locked on to his disfigured hands, it occurred to Nadia that violence and threats would never work on Knox. She was not at all capable of outdoing Tjadmir's gruesome manipulation tactics. However, she there were plenty of other methods of influence at her disposal. Perhaps the key to his cooperation was, well, healing him. She wasn't entirely sure how to do such a thing, but she had plenty of energy to figure it out.
"Your feelings aren't irrelevant," she disagreed, "I asked you, so I value your opinion, right?" She paused to study his blank expression before letting out a sigh, "You act like you are sentenced to death, but you are the only one placing that sentence upon yourself," she pointed out, her tone conversational as if Knox wasn't sitting there having an internal crisis.
Pushing herself nimbly to her feet, she strode purposely toward the water, allowing the waves to crash over her feet. She stretched her arms above her head, gesturing toward the endless sky above them, "Nyvuni, the universe, whatever you believe in- something has given you the opportunity to set out on a new path. You say no one is listening to you, no one cares what you want, but here I am asking you. So what do you want? To go home? To stay here? To die?" She turned to face him, blocking the sight of the ocean so he was forced to look into her fiery eyes and face the question and, more importantly, face himself.
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Post by starrea on Jun 30, 2020 18:31:49 GMT
Knox could hear the sincerity and truth in Nadia's words and it bothered him so much that the irritation melted straight through the shield of calmness he had hidden himself behind. The urge to do something explosive crashed over him like a tidal wave but he was paralyzed, forced to endure and internalize his anger. He didn't shy away from the violent fantasies as they flashes across his mind as he would have before, and he was too angry and too hateful to even feel ashamed or surprised. Knox used to pride himself on being a man of peace, someone who avoided conflict and violence, but he was starting to see it in a new light. The truth was nearly blinding; some injustices couldn't be righted even with the spilling of blood, and in those cases, retribution was death. Knox remembered the first time he had been forced to watch an execution and he could practically still taste the shrimp as it came back up and splattered all over the floor. He had spent years trying to block out the screams of the man as they light the fire below him that slowly roasted him. He never actually caught on fire and so it took hours for him to finally pass. Now, Knox replaced the man's face with all of those who had wronged him and his screams were suddenly wonderful music in Knox's imagination.
It was so easy to throw himself blindly into his anger. It consumed him whole, leaving no room for him to consider the possibility of whether or not Nyvuni existed and whether or not his entire life had been based on a lie. Now that he had been in Raevaryn for awhile and away from the royalty of Tjadmir, he could clearly see how deeply his denial ran and it blew his mind. Their abuse and manipulation was so blindingly clear that he couldn't believe he had spent years deluded himself into believing it was for the greater good. They had been so careful about what they said around him, so precise about what words they used that they never lied to him and he had been too far gone to push anything deeper than the thinly-veiled facade they had created for him.
Knox didn't respond to Nadia immediately. His anger was so tangible that he was nervous that once he opened his mouth, he would be powerless to stop whatever came out of him next. As much as the thought of violent retribution appealed to him, his self-preservation and self-discipline were stronger.
"Don't mistake me for a fool, Nadia," He spat out bitterly, "I know that you won't just simply let me go. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but you will eventually execute me. And at this point, I would probably be executed upon return to Tjadmir for failure to complete my mission."
Knox had spent a lot of time thinking about what would happen if he were to return to Tjadmir and what scared him the most was he had no idea what to expect. The idea that he would be executed was very much possible - but not as probable as other, less merciful scenarios. He couldn't imagine survive another year or two undergoing the same conditions he had gone through when he had first moved to the palace, especially not when his faith had been rocked to the core and his anger oozing out of every pore. But he would survive because they would ensure it, and they would do what they had done the first time around - they would break down into nothing and build him back up into the person they wanted him to be.
Her next question was painfully uncomfortable and Knox loathed her for asking it. He couldn't see why she couldn't just let him waste away as a captive in peace. This trip to the beach was hardly necessary for someone living on borrowed time. His immediate answer was that he wanted to return home, but just the idea of going back left a bitter taste in his mouth and he couldn't seem to force the words out. He knew he should want to return home but he just couldn't bring himself to say it. The option of stay here was only marginally better; it seemed like Nadia wouldn't torture him prior to execution.
"I am not scared of death," It was the only thing he was sure of at the moment, the only truth he had. Just because he wasn't scared of dying didn't mean he wanted to die. His self-preservation was woefully strong and while he fantasied about being free of this world and all its pain, he knew that in the moment of death, he would beg for another chance - anything to give himself another minute of life. How he had been prepared to kill himself for a potentially-fictional deity was mind-blowing and he wasn't sure how to resurrect that level of commitment in himself again.
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Post by Val on Jul 5, 2020 18:59:19 GMT
Nadia watched the unmistakable look of rage pass over Knox's features, like boiling lava just waiting to erupt and destroy everything in its path. She knew Knox was a peaceful man, but the vehemence lingering just beneath the surface was undeniable. For a moment, she was sure he would attack her. Even if the emotions weren't all directed at her, she was a pretty damn good scapegoat in that moment. Her eyes widened fractionally with fear as the tension stretched between them, and she wondered if she had misplaced her trust in the man before her. Everyone was capable of violence and she was being naive to think otherwise.
Despite her obvious trepidation, she stood her ground with her fists balled at her sides, clearly not about to cower. She almost wanted him to threaten her, scream at her, hit her- anything to make him release the pain he was holding on to. When Knox finally spoke, she felt a confusing sense of disappointment. He had managed to contain himself despite it all, and she wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or frustrated.
"Well, I am!" she countered hotly, "I want to live because I've found something worth living for," she stepped toward him, her eyes still burning bright. Her hand twitched at her side, tempted to slap some sense into him. That had always worked in her favor when it came to Alister, but this was far different. Hitting Knox would only make her feel...bad. Like kicking an injured puppy while it begged for help.
Nadia inhaled sharply and closed her eyes, managing to quell her growing frustration before she forced her prisoner to do something that would end poorly for the both of them. "You didn't answer my question," she pointed out quietly after a moment, "I'm asking what you want. But...I can see now that you don't know what you want. I understand why, but I can't help you until you help yourself."
She turned away from him, taking a few steps up the beach before pausing, "If you long for death, it's bound to come for you. But if you find something worth living for, well, things could change." Whether or not her words made an impact on Knox didn't matter. She couldn't force him to forge a new path for himself, but she was willing to do whatever it took to turn him against their homeland. Even though her intentions so far had been questionable, she truly wanted Knox on her side.
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