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Post by Val on Sept 22, 2020 22:07:22 GMT
Julian was fixated on Kinsley’s every move, hovering over her like the dedicated caretaker that he’d become over the past week. Kinsley’s survival had become his purpose and losing her meant losing the only thing that was keeping him even remotely sane. Julian had experienced a fair number of obsessions in his life, but none quite like his infatuation with Kinsley. Their strange circumstances only amplified his dedication to nursing her back to health and once she was healed, he intended on playing out the fantasies that had been accumulating in his mind during the short bout of isolation. With nothing else to focus on and no where else to go, it had truly become just he and Kinsley against the world.
He placed the empty glass on the bedside table without taking his eyes off of Kinsley, afraid that she would pass out again if he looked away for even a moment. Remaining stoic and watchful, Julian waited for her to get her bearings, though his restlessness was making it exceedingly difficult. Despite playing nurse for several days, it was still difficult for him to take her comfort into account, especially now that she was coming around. His patience was wearing thin, while his expectations for Kinsley were quickly mounting.
Kinsley’s touch jarred him out of his thoughts. His eyes shot to the source of contact, watching her fingers flutter across his skin. Before he could decide how he felt about it, she latched onto his hands and he immediately balled them into tight fists, unaccustomed to such an innocent touch. Hand holding was not in his repertoire. He attempted to relax his fingers, but her prying question only added to his discomfort. He had already answered the question once, beneath the floorboards, and he had no intentions of repeating himself. It was an unnecessary query- one that he didn’t have the answer to. Julian had longed for the moment she awoke and thanked him, but she still withheld the gratitude he so rightfully deserved, instead seeking information he had no obligation to provide.
His eyes darkened, losing the tiny hint of worry that had graced them only moments before. He peeled his hands out of her grasp before clamping them back over hers possessively, “I told you I would stay, didn’t I?” he replied, purposely avoided even addressing her question. If she couldn’t take the hint, then perhaps she wasn’t quite all there just yet.
“You were out for days,” he changed the subject, deciding to fill her in sooner rather than later, “They condemned the house, but we can’t stay here forever. People tend to burn down places like this, especially after the mess we left them to find.”
Julian, who had a love for details, could have gone on and on with a chronology of the time she had lost, but he didn’t want to think about the past. Kinsley was awake now, and he couldn’t deny his eagerness to move forward, “How does it…feel?” he wondered, eyes traveling south until they reached her stump of a leg. He’d redressed the wound and it appeared to be healing smoothly enough, but he needed logistics. Specifically, how long he would have to wait for Kinsley to become mobile so that they could finally leave the little house of horrors.
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Post by starrea on Sept 23, 2020 0:25:28 GMT
Julian was unapologetically obvious about his manipulation and control over Kinsley. He didn't even afford her the illusion of choice; he chose for her, forcing her down a path that was twisted indefinitely with his. He hadn't bothered to ask her to stay, and he never gave her the option of leaving. He brazenly claimed her, his brand taking the form of her disfigured stump that he had created. By saving her, he forced her dependence upon him, leaving her completely at his mercy, and expected her to be grateful - and she was. The way he was looking at her was positively addicting, like she was center of his world, and it was enough to make desire burn hot in the pit of her stomach. The way he was looking at her, the way he had so shamelessly claimed her was new and exciting, and something that Kinsley found herself completely breezing over the fact that he had cut her foot off. It didn't matter anymore. Instead, she found herself wanting to submit to his control, wanting to be whatever he wanted her to be, wanting to star in whatever fantasies he had. They were circling each other, both descending into the pits of obsession - Julian obsessing over controlling her, and Kinsley obsessing over the idea of being obsessed over.
Kinsley shrunk back a little as his hands clamped down on her and she noticed the way they felt like cuffs locking around her wrists. His lack of answers only made her desire burn hotter because it meant that Julian wanted her in a way that couldn't be adequately described by words. He hadn't given her what she was looking for in words, but his actions couldn't have been clearer. She knew what he was looking for, and she finally submitted to him. "Thank you," Kinsley finally murmured, eager to make him look at her like she mattered again, "for saving me. For staying."
Kinsley absorbed the information readily, nodding along. Her attention drifted down to where her foot used to be, and she experimentally pushed herself up. The absence of her foot was glaringly obvious, like how she used to spend the entire day after losing a tooth running her tongue over the hole it left behind. She tentatively pulled her knees up, bending her knees and sliding her foot up the sheets. Her stump brushed against the sheets and the pain was lurching; her mind hadn't quite adapted to the loss of the appendage yet and she realized just how hard it was going to be to retrain herself to operate without it. She scooted towards the edge of the bed, slowly hanging her legs down. She was tempted to stand, but the idea of balancing on just one leg was daunting, especially with her injury so fresh. Still, she was pleasantly surprised to find the pain manageable. It was a low, dull ache that came from deep within her bones and radiated outwards, but some strong booze would help quiet it down. Movement, shockingly, didn't elicit that much pain. As long as she was careful not to jostle or knock her stump against anything, the idea of traveling was materializing into a very real possibility.
Kinsley was almost too excited by the discovery of her alleviated pain that it took her another minute or so before she realized that she didn't how she was going to travel. Walking didn't seem like an option, not with a fresh injury and the painstakingly slow process of relearning how to move. There didn't seem to be any other options, though. The thought of using a crutch was only slightly better than being left to walk without one, but only marginally. Using a crutch would be extremely tiring and their pace would be excruciatingly slow. But what other choice did she have? They couldn't stay here.
"It hurts," Kinsley answered, looking down as she wiggled her toes on her right foot and feeling the gaping absence of her left foot, "But not so bad that I don't think I can handle it. Wouldn't hurt to have some booze, if there's any left." Please let there be some left. Kinsley paused, sucking in a breath before she finally brought up the glaring problem - "I don't think I can... walk though. I mean, I don't know how... without a foot," Kinsley finished lamely, keeping her gaze firmly fixated on the ground. She felt her cheeks flush with shame, feeling embarrassed for being completely and utterly useless - especially after all he had done to save her.
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Post by Val on Sept 27, 2020 21:44:25 GMT
Kinsley’s gratitude appeared to be the cure to Julian’s quickly souring mood. A pleased look smoothed across his features, causing the light in his eyes to return and the corners of his mouth to quirk upwards. It didn’t matter to him that he had practically forced the ‘thank you’ out of her. The fact that she had finally relented and spoke the words aloud gave him immense satisfaction. Finally, Kinsley was beginning to see things his way, and accept his actions for what they were- necessary. His grip on her hands gentled and his twisted look of concern returned. That wasn’t so hard, was it? Though he didn’t speak the words out loud, they read loud and clear as he smoothed his thumbs over her knuckles in a show of approval.
Julian released her hands altogether and shifted to the side as she tested her limits, observing analytically as she hung her legs over the side of the bed. He waited for her to report back with bated breath, smoothing his hands over his knees to keep himself from interfering in the process. He’d become so used to manipulating her body that it felt strange to see her regaining autonomy, slowly but surely. His index finger began to tap against his kneecap as he waited, growing anxious over the idea that she might heal too quickly- before he had the chance to solidify his worth to her. He could see the gears turning in her head, just as they were in his, but he had a feeling they were each hoping for opposite outcomes.
Julian exhaled with barely concealed relief at her response. No, of course she couldn’t walk. But he would teach her…in time. “You will learn,” he promised, sliding his hand from his knee onto hers, squeezing to pull her attention back to him. Although he seemed unfazed by her incapacitation, Julian knew that the news had good and bad implications. She still needed him, but they still needed to travel. A makeshift crutch would only get them so far, so fast. He could envision finding her a prosthetic in the future, but finding someone capable of crafting such a sophisticated device uniquely fitted to Kinsley would take time. As much as it pained him to admit, Julian knew that they needed a horse. He was repulsed by the filthy animals, but he couldn’t deny how beneficial such a creature would be to their journey. Unfortunately, finding and stealing one would not be easy.
Making the decision internally, Julian’s eyes returned to Kinsley’s and he reached a hand up to brush against her flushed cheeks. As he wondered if her fever might be returning, he noticed that she was looking at him expectantly. Ah, the booze. He pressed his lips together disapprovingly as he recalled her subtle plea for the intoxicating pain reliever. He’d already made his distaste for drunkards clear, but he appeared to consider her request. He couldn’t deny that he craved the gratitude she would inevitably grace him with, but no. She didn’t need alcohol- not when she had him.
“We’re saving the rest of the alcohol to keep the wound clean,” he told her, leaving no room for argument as he denied her request. It was an excuse to cover up a simple fact that she would soon come to understand: no booze. He tilted his head slightly, studying her in anticipation of a rebuttal, “I think we could both use a distraction,” he conceded after a moment, aware of the fact that he’d been on the verge of losing it as he read through the couple’s disturbing collection of books, “I’m open to other ideas.” He gave her the floor, appearing vaguely smug as he waited to hear what she might come up with.
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Post by starrea on Sept 30, 2020 3:11:02 GMT
This wasn't the first time Kinsley had played submissive to someone unpredictably dangerous, but there was something remarkably different about this time. It was the way she unconsciously held her breath, waiting for his approval, and the way she felt lighter when he finally gave it. It was the way that he looked at her like he was really seeing her, and wanted to see more. It was the way her cheeks flushed in the wake of his touch, and the physical desire that burned in the pit of her stomach. Just being in his presence made her feel wildly alive - a feeling that prior to Julian, she had only ever achieved in the fleeting moments of taking the life of another or nearly taking the life of her own. Harvey had never made her feel that way. He hadn't made her feel alive; he had just shown her the cure to the void of nothingness that threatened to overtake her. He gave her the permission and encouragement to be her true self, the freedom to take what she wanted. It was a gift that she would always be grateful for, but even if she hadn't watched him gasp for his last breath like a fish out of water, he would have never been enough for Kinsley. The certain quality that Julian had and Harvey lacked was frustratingly cryptic. She thought herself in circles but ultimately always came to the same conclusion: she needed to figure out exactly who Julian was.
For the moment, Kinsley let herself bask under the approval of Julian. She hadn't missed the subtleties of his manipulation, the way he used his approval as a reward and the way his touch could go from gentle to bruising within seconds, but she kept those observations quiet. Kinsley was too excited to see how this fantasy played out, too caught up in the whirlwind of Julian to want anything other than to be exactly what he wanted from her. For the first time in her life, Kinsley didn't feel like she was an actress starring in the elaborate play that was reality - with Julian, she was just herself. As it was turning out, half of the fun was playing right into his manipulations. The poorly-concealed look of relief when he realized that she was still completely dependent on him was almost sweet. In that moment, the loss of her foot was a perfectly acceptable casualty. The feeling of being needed was so foreign and so gratifying, that she would have lobbed her other foot off right then and there if it would have made him need her even more.
The moment abruptly ended with Julian's denial of alcohol. It was an excuse and they both knew it, and the look she gave him easily translated that. She remembered his holier-than-thou attitude towards alcohol and felt an immediate need to defend her habit. She wasn't an alcoholic but there had been times in her life where her drinking probably came close to becoming an addiction. Her time in prison had cured that, but it hadn't dulled her desire to get drunk and have fun. Now that she was free, there was absolutely no reason as to why she couldn't do exactly that - it didn't how alive Julian made her feel, there was no way she was going to give up alcohol for some guy. Kinsley watched Julian with a hard expression, noticing the subtle way he tensed in preparation for her inevitable argument. Instead, Kinsley tensely swallowed her anger down. From the limited knowledge she had on Julian, she had learned that it was essential to pick and choose her battles and her stump wouldn't always have an open wound that required sterilization. So for now, she stayed silent and a challenge lingered in her gaze, one warned him that this wasn't the end of the discussion.
Julian's next request surprised her, and it took her a couple of seconds to reorient her thoughts. He had handed over control, even if it was over something insignificant, to her and that in itself was baffling. She hadn't expected him to offer it up, even over something so small, but she was finding that unpredictable nature of Julian was starting to become the centerpiece of her growing obsession.
Kinsley didn't have to think hard about her answer. "A game," As she spoke, she scooted back until she was resting up against the wall and cautiously lifted her legs to rest them back on the bed. Julian hadn't offered to help move her and had leaned back in his chair, a sign that he wasn't planning on immediately leaving. She didn't ask about his plan. Now that he had confirmed that he was taking her with him, she didn't care. "A question game. You can ask me a question, and I have to answer without lying, and then we switch. If you don't want to answer, you have to strip off a piece of clothing. First one naked loses. And to sweeten the deal, how about if I win, you serve me one last drink of that moonshine?" Kinsley eyed him daringly, testing to see how he would respond to her provocation. The game was more than something to just pass the time, though. It wasn't a secret that Julian was a predator, but Kinsley knew that she had only seen the tip of the iceberg. If her future was indefinitely intertwined with his, she needed to know just what kind of predator she was playing with.
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Post by Val on Oct 2, 2020 3:53:17 GMT
For some unknown reason, Julian had not anticipated her request. While he’d gone out of his way to gather and pry information out of Kinsley, she had yet to show much interest in his life. He would’ve liked to keep it that way, but Kinsley finally appeared to be accepting her fate and with that acceptance came the curiosity. She wanted to know him. The realization brought his guard rearing up. Although Julian believed in reciprocation in many forms, his mind was geared more toward a separate but equal relationship. He would heal her, she would provide him company. He would feed her, and she would feed his fantasies. It was a far bargain in his mind, but she already wanted more. Whether or not he was ready to let her in appeared to be the question on both of their minds.
His eyes narrowed suspiciously as she shared the details of her little game, quick to notice that the rules appeared to be a bit one sided. He’d already seen every inch of Kinsley, up close and personally, both of her own volition and out of necessity. On the contrary, his body remained a carefully kept mystery- one he would prefer to reveal at his own discretion. Stripping wasn’t exactly his idea of fun, but neither was sharing the intricacies of his past or the twisted depths of his mind. Most things were better kept buried. Aside from his resistance to the basic fundamentals of the game, it simply didn’t seem necessary to him. He’d already begun to develop an encyclopedia of Kinsley, and he didn’t need a game to complete it. His idea of fun was gathering the tidbits she carelessly offered up and piecing them together over time, but the opportunity to get the true and nitty gritty details out of her was extremely tempting. While the game felt like a lose-lose situation in Julian’s case, he still felt the curious urge to indulge her.
Julian arched a brow when she decided to raise the stakes, and her sought after prize seemed to spark some inspiration in him, “And if I win…” a smirk graced his lips in response to her challenging stare, “You take a pledge of sobriety,” he countered, making it clear that if she pushed, he would push harder. Kinsley might not have realized it yet, but Julian would get his way in the end. Perhaps there would be some trial and error, but the satisfaction that Kinsley gained from the bottle would soon come to be insignificant. Without waiting for her to accept his terms, Julian simply leaned back in his chair and kicked his feet up onto the edge of the bed, regarding her with a look of finality, “You have a deal.”
Without any further hesitation, Julian delved into all of the unanswered questions he had surrounding the woman before him. There were so many blanks that he needed filled, it was almost impossible to decide on one train of thought. Almost. One thought, one name, had continuously dominated his thoughts ever since she had spoken it into existence; she had mistaken him for someone else. The misidentification had caused his ego to go haywire. He would not- could not- be satisfied until he was the only man on her mind. The only name on her lips.
Julian’s eyes slowly narrowed until he was studying her through a half-lidded gaze, taking the time to lace his fingers together and fold them behind the back of his head in a position of fabricated nonchalance. Although he already had the question on the tip of his tongue, he allowed the anticipation to mount, feeling a delicious tension fill the room as the game began, “Who is Harvey?”
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Post by starrea on Oct 2, 2020 20:25:03 GMT
Kinsley could practically see the gears turning in Julian's mind as he analyzed her rules, undoubtedly noticing how she had structured the rules of the game around herself. He was so tense, so cautious, so paranoid at the prospect of her seeing just a glimpse of the complexities of who he was that it made Kinsley all the more interested to weave her way into his head and unravel his secrets. Using brute force to break down his walls would never work. Not only did she lack the physical strength and leverage to do that, she had a feeling that he would rather die than divulge his secrets, if for nothing else than out of spite. No, she would have to go about it carefully, revealing his secrets one by one. She would have to make him want to confide in her. Julian had already ensured that they weren't going to part ways anytime soon and Kinsley was confident that in time, she wouldn't need to break down the fortress that was Julian's mind because he would just let her in.
It was exhausting to watch him mull over the potential consequences of a simple game. Kinsley quickly got bored as the seconds ticked by and she chewed on her lip to repress the urge to remind him that it was just a game. As she studied him, she found that she was truly baffled by his intense, unwavering paranoia. Being a monster had its perk; you didn't have to be scared of anything because ninety-nine percent of the time, you were the scariest person in the room. But, Kinsley supposed, he was in a room with her and while they were two different breeds of monsters, they were monsters just the same. In the end, Kinsley reveled in the validation that he was wary around her - she was dangerous, and he knew it. His deliberation was an even greater waste of time because Kinsley knew he wouldn't back down from a challenge. Even though every aspect of the game had been purposely chosen for his discomfort, he wouldn't be able to resist.
Julian had a miraculous way of making Kinsley hang off of every one of his words, completely lost in the moment and entranced by him. That is, until he revealed his prize and the magic faded. Kinsley scowled; she shouldn't have surprised, not when she had provoked him, but she was. She didn't know why he seemed bent on controlling her drinking, but it really bothered her. Prison had restricted her of all of her freedoms, including the delicious ones that let her enjoy life and she wasn't keen about voluntarily giving them up just because he didn't want her to drink. Kinsley had spent her entire life doing things that other's didn't approve of and if Julian didn't like her drinking, then he could just get in line with everyone else who criticized her.
"A temporary pledge of sobriety," Kinsley amended with a sharp look, one that warned him not push it any further than he had. She left the duration of 'temporary' open for now, but she could see herself swearing herself off of alcohol for a whole thirty seconds if he won, just out of spite.
Just like Kinsley had known that he would indulge her in her little game, Kinsley also knew that Julian would go first. It was the way their dynamics were shaking out and Kinsley was content with letting him be leader. The wait for Julian's question was just an agonizing as before. He was in no hurry, obviously comfortable with the silence and the way the anticipation was making her fidget. She was starting to figure Julian out and despite the fact that he feigned deliberation, Kinsley was fairly positive that he already had a list of questions he wanted to ask her and the wait and silence were merely for her inconvenience. The inability to walk was only making her more restless and she wanted to push herself off of the bed and pace around the room, but she knew better than to try. Instead, she tapped her fingers on her thigh and let her gaze wander around the room until Julian finally decided to grace her with his question.
Julian's question made Kinsley freeze and her gaze snapped back to Julian, studying his face as she tried to recall where he had pulled Harvey's name from. She scoured her memory but she had spent a considerable amount of time bouncing between sickness and unconsciousness, and her memories were hazy and fragmented. After a couple seconds of reflection, the only reasonable possibility was that she had called out Harvey's name at some point. The exposure of Harvey's name soured her mood; Harvey was the last thing she wanted to talk about, especially with Julian, and she had already planned on tactfully avoiding the subject.
"Harvey," Kinsley drawled, letting the anticipation build in the same way Julian had, "was my first." She ended definitively, raising her hand up to stop whatever rebuttal he was preparing, "Next time, try being more specific with your questions." Her words were short, her tone colder than it had been before. He had already struck a nerve, and Kinsley was eager to return the favor. Before he got the chance to argue with her, Kinsley forged ahead with her question: "Who was your first? And you pick what first you want to divulge - first love, first partner... first victim. And feel free to tell the story, too."
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Post by Val on Oct 7, 2020 1:05:26 GMT
Temporary didn’t exist in Julian’s mind. Temporary meant uncertain, and he had a deep and incessant need for things to be absolute. Now that he was dedicating himself to Kinsley, he expected the same level of commitment from her. Of course, he hadn’t exactly laid out the conditions of their partnership to her, so he could not blame her for failing to please him. He’d been generous so far, offering her time and space to recover, but his patience was wearing thin and his benevolence would only last so long before he expected her to start bending to his wishes. For the sake of good sportsmanship, he didn’t object to her amendment, for he had no intentions of allowing her distasteful addiction to continue under his watch.
Once his prying question was out there, Julian sat back and enjoyed the show as Kinsley reacted to the utterance of the mysterious name. He watched the emotions flit freely across her face, and his mind raced with the possibilities of what she would reveal. It was clear she was averse to drawing attention to the name, but he needed to know why, if only to settle the insecurity that had stirred up within him. He subconsciously sat forward when she repeated the name, narrowing his eyes as she teased him with a stretch of silence. He had hopes that the anticipation would pay off, but her vague answer left him yearning for more. His mouth opened immediately to pry for more of the juicy details, but Kinsley cut him off before he had the chance.
How dare she? His anger was sparked by the sudden addition to the rules, and he didn’t bother to hide the fire as it simmered beneath the surface. She was playing dirty, and they both knew it. Her ambiguous response had caused his defenses to skyrocket, but he willingly listened to her question and was quick to offer a short huff of laughter in response. Perhaps she should follow her own advice if she wanted him to divulge the specifics. He weighed the options she had laid out for him, finding a sick sort of amusement over the assumption that he’d ever been in love. Love was a figment of the imagination, and if Julian loved anyone, it was himself. First partner would be far too telling, but a victim…He could worm his way out of that one with ease.
“When I was a kid, my mother got a dog. It was a little, fluffy white thing- pathetic, really. An abomination that wouldn’t survive a day on its own. But she loved it,” his eyes became slightly unfocused as he recalled the memory and the strange feelings that came with it, “It would always bark at me. It would yap and yap and yap if I was in the room, for no apparent reason. So, I snapped its neck one day. I wanted to see how easy it would be,” he blinked and met Kinsley’s gaze, envisioning the incident where he had nearly squeezed the life out of her, “It was easy.”
Once he finished his little story, he sat back with a rather smug look, clearly thinking he’d gotten off easy. Kinsley was delusional if she thought that his answers were going to be completely candid after she took the easy way out. The little rat had truthfully been his first victim, but he doubted that it was the satisfying answer she was hoping for. “Anyway…my turn,” he changed the subject and pursed his lips, deciding to be blatantly straightforward this time around, “Harvey,” he repeated the name again mostly because he liked the rise that it got out of her, “Did you kill him?” There was no hesitation this time- just a forthright question meant to quell his burning suspicions, “If so, how and why? Feel obliged to tell a story,” he added pointedly, his eyes burning through her ruthlessly.
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Post by starrea on Oct 9, 2020 3:31:43 GMT
The only response Kinsley had to Julian's fury was a wolfish smile; he would have to be delusional if he were truly surprised that she, a sociopath and convicted murderer, wouldn't bend the rules to her will. Kinsley was fond of games but in her experience, had found that playing a little dirty and raising the stakes really spiced things up. She fed off of the reactions of others, normally needing no reason to antagonize someone but this time, her provocations held a more practical purpose. Kinsley, while infatuated with Julian, wasn't blind to his nature. He was a psychopath, a dangerous one that probably wouldn't hesitate to kill her despite having saved her life twice. If they were going to travel together, she needed to know exactly what kind of monster lurked beneath the surface. Harvey had made that mistake, forgotten just how dangerous Kinsley could be, and ended up gasping for air until he was cold and blue in the face. Kinsley wouldn't make that mistake.
The antagonistic look melted off of Kinsley's face as she listened to his answer, finding it frustratingly unfulfilling. As he revealed a piece of his past, albeit a boring piece of his past, Kinsley realized that she didn't really care about who he used to be. His story hardly impressed, although that was probably a purposeful retaliation to her cryptic answer, and it merely passed through her thoughts and once it was gone, she gave it no more thought. Her past felt like a lifetime ago, separated from now by eight long years in prison. The memories felt alien, as if they had never belonged to her in the first place and even though she was the one who suggested the game, she found herself wanting to avoid questions about her past. The avoidance wasn't even about keeping the information from Julian, but rather an effort to elude the uncomfortable memories altogether. Of course, Kinsley knew that if she said that, Julian would only dig deeper. Her circumvention of her past extended to Julian's past as well; it didn't matter who he used to be or what he had done. What mattered was right here, right now - who he was, and who she could push him to be.
The game brought out the opposite goal in Julian; he wanted to dissect each and every part of Kinsley, searching relentlessly for any scrap of information she happened to drop. His incessant need to know her only amplified her desire to dangle them above his head, interested to see how he would respond to her flagrant taunts. He would learn, perhaps too late, that it didn't matter who she used to be. Everyone, to some degree, was a product of their environment, but she was far greater than the stories of her past.
When Julian repeated Harvey's name again, Kinsley was ready for it. After her enigmatic answer, she knew that Julian's question would be more direct this time around. This time, Kinsley's reaction was much more controlled and calculated, a mask of indifference. Beneath the surface, her distaste for hearing Harvey's name roll off of Julian's lips made her stomach churn with stress. Kinsley had carefully kept her past with Harvey and her present with Julian definitively separated in her mind, and hearing him ask about Harvey broke through that barrier of separation. She didn't like it, and she knew the only way to end his line of questions was to answer them as quickly as possible and direct his attention elsewhere.
"Yes," Kinsley answered honestly. She normally wasn't adverse to lying, but this game felt infinitely more important than all the others ones she had ever played, and she was finally against a worthy opponent, and for that sake alone, she wouldn't lie. "I must have accidentally switched our drinks. Mine had a dash of nutmeg in it, but he was deathly allergic. He was too drunk to taste it and went into anaphylactic shock. It was such a tragic accident," Kinsley drawled in a such way that heavily implied it was anything but tragic and not an accident at all. "He also dabbled in drugs, so when they saw some of his coke laced with nutmeg, they assumed his death was related to that. Unfortunately, Harvey knew how to make enemies, so they never really could zero in on a suspect. Truthfully, I don't think they cared too much. Harvey was being investigated for a number of crimes, so the authorities probably thought it was some sort of divine justice. Horrifying to think the murderer is still out there," The retelling of the story lacked many of the details, and she had to push the complexities of that night out of her head. Now that he had an answer, Kinsley silently prayed that Julian would move on.
Her next question was easy: "What do you expect out of me, in terms of us and traveling together?" The question was purely logistical. Julian had already proven obstinate when asked about plans or direction, a tactic Julian surely used to keep her reliant on him for information. For the most part, Kinsley didn't care where they were going or how they were going to get there. He had saved her life for some reason, a reason he hadn't clued her in on yet, but it certainly wasn't to be dead-weight on the road. She needed to know exactly what role he wanted her play, and she wasn't about to try to decipher his passive-aggressive clues. He had to know by now that she wanted to star in his fantasy, all he had to do was tell her what part to play.
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Post by Val on Oct 11, 2020 0:58:23 GMT
Getting away with the puppy slaughter answer was surprisingly unfulfilling for Julian. He expected himself to wallow in the look of disappointment that flooded Kinsley’s features, but it only left him feeling just as dissatisfied as she. He’d been so sure of his strategy; planting a one-way mirror between them where he could see everything about her, and she could see nothing but what he wanted her to see. Suddenly, his fool proof plan no longer felt feasible, nor gratifying. He wanted her utmost attention and admiration, and he knew that he would have to divulge some of his darkness in order to achieve that. It was a hard pill for Julian to swallow, and he was relieved when the time came for her to answer his question.
Oh, how hard she was trying to suppress the unpleasant feelings that name seemed to produce. She was good, he had to admit, but he could see through the cracks in her mask. It was getting to her, but she was going to provide an answer, nonetheless. The “yes” immediately sparked his curiosity and he subconsciously sat forward, absorbing every detail she offered up. Poisoning. A womanly touch to an otherwise dastardly act. It was sneaky and cruel, but unexpected from Kinsley after the violence he’d witnessed out of her so far. It led him to believe that she feared this man in some sense, enough to take a precautionary route in his murder. Julian started to put together the pieces in his mind, creating a picture of the man that still plagued Kinsley’s thoughts. Harvey the criminal- a pathetic drug addict- had lured the young Kinsley into his bed. He’d abused her, but she loved him- until she didn’t. Harvey took it too far, but he never expected what Kinsley was capable of because he was her first; her first fuck, her first love, her first kill. Based on the limited information that Kinsley had provided, Julian had no real way of knowing if he’d solved the puzzle perfectly. But it was the narrative that he had decided on, and that was enough for him, for now.
Julian slowly sunk back into his seat, offering her a pleased look. Perhaps this game would let Kinsley see that cooperation was worthwhile. He appreciated what he perceived as honesty and was willing to reciprocate. A pattern was quickly forming between them, one that he planned on implementing in every aspect of their relationship going forward; she would give him what he wanted first, and he would return the favor.
He considered her question carefully, clearly thinking about how he wanted to answer it. Whatever he said would lay a groundwork of expectations for the future, and it was important for Kinsley to hear it. The more she understood about what he wanted, the faster she would be able to fulfill his expectations. That is, if she accepted the terms and conditions when all was said and done. Fortunately, she didn’t have much of a choice.
“I want you to accept the decisions that I make for us every step of the way. This is about survival now. There is no time for arguments, or insolence, or pride. If I want your input, I’ll ask for it. When I tell you to do something, you do it.” His voice had quickly taken on a serious tone, revealing a shift in Julian. While she was well versed in his controlling and neurotic nature, this was different. He had specific rules in mind, and if she refused to follow them, then there would be strict consequences- the nature of which were a mystery to them both. While Julian liked to live life with a plan, his temper made him incredibly unpredictable. He exhaled slowly, as though releasing some sort of pent up tension as he moved on to the more obscure expectations- the ones he was most interested in witnessing her reaction to, “I enjoy your company,” he admitted to her, “But there is far more potential between us than simply being travel companions. We have a shared interest in bringing torment to the unfortunate souls that we encounter. For me, though, there’s a difference between committing such acts out of necessity versus enjoyment. I want you to play a role in the enjoyment.” His eyes were glittering, full of possibility over what they could achieve together, but he didn’t delve into further details. It was better for her to mull over what he meant, and perhaps begin to conjure up fantasies of her own.
A short silence stretched, but Julian wasn’t done answering. There was one more important aspect that he felt the need to finally speak into existence. The sexual tension between them was obvious, but neither of them had acted upon the carnal desire. Maybe he was becoming impatient, but Julian was prepared to shatter the ice, “I want to fuck you.” There was no reason to beat around the bush. It was going to happen sooner or later, and Julian was opposed to the idea of her getting the jump on him. Finally satisfied with his answer, Julian took the time to study her reaction, hoping to pick up on how she felt about his intentions. To him, it all felt like a fair trade, but only if Kinsley was willing to submit to him in practically every aspect of her life. From what he knew about her so far, he had a feeling it wouldn’t exactly be easy for Kinsley to adjust, but she would come to see that it would all be for her benefit, as well.
“What is something that you’re unwilling to do? A hard limit, or breaking point, if you will.” The question was purposefully open ended, giving her the opportunity to take her answer in any direction that came to mind. It was a way to test the waters, to understand what Kinsley was capable of, and a way for Julian to maintain leverage if and when they reached an impasse.
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Post by starrea on Oct 12, 2020 1:27:58 GMT
Julian's manipulation was a work of art. His subtleties towards shaping Kinsley's behavior were skillful brush strokes, polished off by his precise inclination of when to give and when to take. Kinsley would be his end piece, a masterpiece of his creation. Although, there was an inherent difference between allowing him to paint her how he wished her to be, and falling under his spell and ignoring the evolution he was pushing her through. So when Kinsley finally realized that Julian was rewarding her cooperation and honesty, an effort to create an immediate compliance, it bothered her that it took her so long to see it. His manipulation had already worked; she had voluntarily given up information because she knew that he would reward her - and he did. Her answer was satisfactory enough and for now, he let Harvey go. Playing into his manipulation was one thing, but she wouldn't allow herself to be manipulated. Kinsley wasn't naive enough to think that Julian was done pressing her about her past with Harvey, and now she more resigned than ever to keep that story a secret - if only to prove to herself that she could.
When Julian finally spoke, he had Kinsley's full attention. His expectations would set the foundation of their relationship, something he also seemed acutely aware of. There was an undeniable unequal distribution of power between the two of them, something that with Kinsley's unfortunate injury, couldn't be avoided. It was something she expected, something she was ready to experience but Julian had to know that there was a very fine line between what she was willing to submit to and what she wasn't. Their relationship was forged through her need for him, but she wouldn't need him forever and he wouldn't be the first person she left because they tried to force her to be someone she wasn't. Her gaze was hard; a silent warning that he needed to tread carefully when deciding how much he wanted from her.
The first part of Julian's expectations were more or less what Kinsley had already assumed. She hadn't missed the shift in his tone, the way it held a certain intolerance for any future that she might give him. Kinsley hadn't had a problem with following Julian's lead thus far, and she didn't see an issue arising over it in the future. Without Julian, she was aimless, going whichever way the wind pushed her. She had no direction and no aim, and would only move to elude authorities and search out her next pleasure. If she found her pleasure in Julian, then she had no problem following him in whichever direction he went. His controlling nature wasn't a secret and she knew he expected obedience. It wasn't something she was opposed to giving him, either, except in the situations in which he pushed her too hard. There was only one scenario that came to mind immediately when she thought of things he might want out of her that she wasn't willing to give, but she was sure she would discover others along the way. As much as she would try to be obedient, Julian would also need to learn the art of only asking for things she was willing to give.
His next admission sent a shot of excitement straight through her, down to her core. Her skin erupted in goosebumps, and she found herself indulging snippets of the many scenarios that passed through her mind. This is what she wanted - someone who not only shared her addiction of taking lives, but appreciated her because of it. He was willing to explore his urges with her, dabble with different techniques and play out imagined fantasies. It made Kinsley want to stop their game and get on the road, eager to start discovering how their relationship would flourish through the spilled blood of others, but Kinsley bit her tongue. Julian hadn't mentioned leaving, hadn't talked about his plan for whatever came next, so it must not be time yet. The wait, she reminded herself, would only make the moment that much sweeter when it finally did come.
"Yes, I want that," Kinsley agreed breathlessly, her eyes wide and pooled with desire as she stared at Julian. His expectations had left her feeling pleased, confident that she could play the part he wanted her to play. Their relationship would be mutually beneficial, something so pleasurable that Kinsley already felt herself becoming addicted to the possibilities Julian could offer her. But Julian wasn't done - and his next stipulation left Kinsley winded, stunned by his truly unexpected, crude words.
The emotions that ravaged Kinsley were potent, uncompromising and contradictory. The wave of emotion that crashed over Kinsley was disappointment. Even though she had washed Julian, he had an obvious aversion to her seeing him naked and she hadn't actually seen anything intimate. When they had laid in bed, he had been cold and rigid, strictly keeping to his side of the bed. Instead, Julian had only seemed interested in Kinsley's violence - what she wanted him to want her for. There was something between them, some sort of tension that intensified during those beautiful, bloody moments, but based on Julian's previous behaviors, Kinsley had truly thought that he wasn't interested in sex. It was too good to be true, and she reminded herself that he was a guy - and all guys were interested in sex. That thought brought a surge of bitterness up in her; she was so much more than sex, and there were so much more tantalizing, exciting things they could be doing.
Smugness came after disappointment, and Kinsley found herself relishing in the fact that he wanted her. She had almost forgotten about her gaping wound and hideous deformity, but despite that, Julian still wanted her. Her ego inflated, making her feel light with his validation. She wasn't just pretty enough for Julian, she was worthy enough for him. It made her want to drop to the floor on her knees and show him just how correct he was in thinking that. She needed him to want her, and that made her waver with her conviction of abstinence.
In the end, she couldn't concede. Memories of that night, the flashes of what Harvey did to her haunted her and she couldn't go through that again. She had vowed that she would never be that powerless, that insignificant again. Besides that, sex hurt.
"I don't fuck," Kinsley deadpanned, mimicking his crude language. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, her gaze flickered down nervously. She didn't want to upset him, not after he had just given her what she so richly desired. "There are other ways I can get you off," Kinsley offered, making no mention of herself. Kinsley didn't participate in sexual activities for any other reason other than necessity, and Julian wouldn't be the first nor the last guy she got off because she needed something from them. Kinsley realized he had mentioned if they were exclusive, and she wondered what his reaction would be if he caught her blowing another guy. She stored that idea in the back of her mind for later, curious enough to consider playing that fantasy out.
"I'm unwilling to quit drinking. And the occasional use of coke or ecstasy, for recreational purposes of course. And sex, I'm unwilling to have sex - with anyone," Kinsley said, bracing herself for the retaliation she was sure was coming. Kinsley was willing to bend a lot, but Julian had asked what would break her - and she told him. She didn't expect him to let any of them go and she was markedly aware of the fact that if Julian really wanted to have sex with her, she wasn't in a position to stop him. He didn't need to drug her drink. She was incapacitated, unable to run or fight. She steeled herself for a fight, ready to go to war to defend her breaking points.
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Post by Val on Oct 19, 2020 21:36:15 GMT
Julian was so sure of himself that he never could have seen her rejection coming. Kinsley’s acceptance was visible as he laid out the ground rules. She clearly understood his reasoning and that her compliance was a necessary aspect to their survival in the days ahead. Returning to prison, or more likely facing certain death, was not an option. She trusted Julian with the choices that would ensure their survival, and that was enough to stir contentment within him. Even more reassuring was watching her practically wallow in delight over their shared fantasies. They both wanted to experiment with their insatiable need to take the lives of others. Neither of them needed a reason for their bloodthirsty behavior because they had an incredibly rare mutual understanding. In a way, it seemed they were meant to be. All of this was enough to cement Julian’s rampant self-assuredness- he was going to get what he wanted.
The sudden shift in Kinsley’s emotions was palpable. At first, Julian assumed that she was averse to his crude way of referring to sex, recalling how she’d brought up the term love before. Perhaps she’d prefer the term ‘making love’? It didn’t take him long to realize that his vocabulary wasn’t the problem. No, Kinsley was regarding him as though he’d failed some sort of test. Had she expected him to be abstinent? Gay? He’d undoubtedly been cold to her as far as physicality went, but that was because he had to be sure of his commitment to her before he took steps toward intimacy. Julian was incredibly particular about his sex life. He didn’t just bed women to get off in some hedonistic way. Sex was another aspect of control- one of the most important aspects, in fact. Now that he was sure he wanted to dedicate himself to Kinsley, it was only natural for their relationship to advance. It was hard to make sense of her aversion after witnessing her desire firsthand. She wanted him, that much he was sure of, but he’d never anticipated that her motives would exclude sex altogether.
Kinsley’s three little words of rejection finally reinforced what he’d already surmised. It seemed he wasn’t going to get what he wanted, and that was a glaring problem. Julian scowled when she looked away, resisting the urge to snap at her; if she was going to deny him, she could at least look him in the eye as she did it. Get him off? Is that all she thought it was about? Her perception of him was downright insulting, but it didn’t address the true root of the problem that was forming between them. They shared a lot of unusual similarities, but the hard truth was that they didn’t understand each other at all. Julian cursed himself; he was moving too quickly, revealing too much, and leaping to conclusions. Prison had truly dulled his edges; he needed to remember how to play this delicate game, and he needed to do better if this was going to work.
He heard out the rest of her ridiculous and lengthy list of no-go’s without interrupting, not bothering to address the repetitive plea for drug and alcohol. Unfortunately for her, those were on his list of hard limits. By the time she’d said her peace, she was tense. She expected anger and violence from him, as she should. But Julian wasn’t going to gift her with such predictable behavior, because he knew that her resistance was something that could be overcome.
“He really hurt you,” Julian murmured, voice laced with pity as he brought the demon that was Harvey back into the spotlight, “But the dead can’t touch you. Are you really going to allow him to control your life from the grave?” It bothered him that Kinsley was so hung up on a man from her past and refused to divulge the details of her trauma. It was the reason that Julian didn’t normally associate with damaged goods, and Kinsley was turning out to be the most damaged of all.
Noting the way that Kinsley was bracing herself, Julian decided to take the opportunity to make a point. He rose from his bedside seat and climbed slowly onto the bed, his weight shifting the edge of the mattress. He loomed over her for a brief moment before settling down on his back beside her, his gaze fixating on the ceiling, “If it’s any consolation, I won’t force myself on you. Believe it or not, I require a willing participant,” he informed her pointedly. “Let me be clear, though, I will change your mind,” he paused to let the promise sink in, turning his head to the side to look at her again, “Because my intentions include getting you off.”
Although his frustration over the roadblock was simmering just beneath the surface, Julian did an incredibly good job of hiding it. It all came down to strategy, and berating Kinsley for her fears was sure to get him nowhere. “Anyway, you didn’t ask me a question. Is there a consequence for that in your made-up rule book?” he raised a brow, folding his arms behind his head, “Better ask quickly, or I’ll have to take you up on that offer,” his eyes glittered dangerously, a reminder that she had just about pushed his patience to the limit, and he was beginning to feel a distinct lack of reciprocation for his prolonged kindness.
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Post by starrea on Oct 20, 2020 19:33:42 GMT
Instead of hitting or choking her, Julian's reaction was so much worse; it was pity. It was condescending, judgmental pity. A part of Kinsley recognized his ploy; they were playing a game of chess, and Julian's words were just another strategic move to incite a reaction out of her. Anger clouded her judgment and she didn't care that she was playing right into his hand. Anger flared up, burning up any anticipation of his physical retaliation. Now, it was something she wanted. She needed to feel the pain of his fist against his face or the burn of her lungs as his hands tightened around her throat - anything to validate that she had loosened his hold on his temper.
"I hurt him," Kinsley snapped, meeting his gaze defiantly. She wasn't anyone's victim, least of all Harvey's - and she wasn't going to be Julian's. His attempt to intimidate her as he loomed over only fueled her fire. His assurance was bullshit; she didn't believe for one second that he needed her to be willing, but she was willing to indulge that lie as long as he was. "Are you jealous that I fucked Harvey and won't fuck you? Jealous that a dead guy has my attention, my lust more than you do? How sad, your only competition is a dead guy and you're losing." She sneered, bending the truth of what truly happened that night to her will. It didn't matter what actually happened, it only mattered what Julian thought happened. The consequences of her breaking her own rules didn't even cross her mind as the lies slipped out of her mouth, her attention solely focused on debasing Julian down to the level she was on. Her words were inflammatory but she didn't pause long enough to give him an opportunity to retaliate. "I am so much more than what happened between me and Harvey. I am so much more than an easy lay. Sex is trivial and unsatisfying compared to what I can do with blood and a knife," She paused, just long enough until she was sure she had his attention for what she was going to say next: "Harvey is dead because he was sure that I would never go against him. He was wrong." The threat wasn't explicitly spoken, but it brazenly hung in the air amidst the palpable tension - he shouldn't make the mistake of underestimating her.
For a split second, Kinsley's bravery wavered. Maintaining relationships, historically, had never been easy for Kinsley. By first impressions, Kinsley usually was well-mannered and delightful to be around. For short periods of time, she was a chameleon, able to change her colors to blend in with who she was around. Unfortunately, it wasn't a natural state for Kinsley and she could only suppress her emotions for so long. Before long, the mask would slip off and expose her for who she was; selfish, hot-tempered, chaotic, and apathetic. But in all of those situations, Kinsley had always been the most dangerous person in the room - a fact she thrived off of. With Julian, the circumstances were entirely different. She was no longer the most dangerous person in the room, and she had a distinct disadvantage. He had killed before, and especially after her blatant instigation, she wasn't sure how far his retaliation would extend. But the words were already out there and there was nothing she could do about it now except endure his inevitable retribution.
Somewhere amidst her anger, Julian's unsettling promise sent a bolt of electricity straight through to her core. Her physical reaction to his words was jarring, and she shifted in the bed, subconsciously squeezing her legs together. She had listened to many men brag about their abilities to make any girl come and fielded many offers to get her off, but none of them had produced such a strong, physical reaction in her. His promise might as well have been a needle, his persistence to change her mind the addicting drug coursing through her veins, giving her a high she hadn't felt before. The difference, she realized, was that Julian mattered. He wasn't an interchangeable face, meaningless in every way except for his need for her. She wanted him, and she needed him to want her too.
Kinsley tried to play her reaction off, hoping he hadn't noticed, "Don't hold your breath," She snorted, trying to sound more resolved than she felt. Even in the short amount f time they had been together, Kinsley saw that Julian liked to get what he wanted, and he brought out a desire in her to please him. The reaction, however delicious, wasn't enough to sway her. The memories of that night were too strong, too impactful for her to voluntarily try that again. Julian wasn't enough to snuff out the intense feeling of helplessness and the pain that followed. It made her frustrated; how could he not see that there were so many other, more pleasurable things they could be doing? Sex was meaningless to what they could do together.
She was well aware that any stretch of silence, especially after her flagrant instigation, would not be kind to her. She didn't need to give him the opportunity to dwell on her words. She hadn't yet mapped out Julian's temper and his triggers, and that made her words all the more dangerous because she truly couldn't predict his reaction. "Why were you in prison?" Kinsley rushed the question out, spitting out the first thing she could think of. At first glance, Kinsley appeared at ease with Julian's new position but and tension had built back, her body acutely aware of the fact that she was sitting next to a remorseless killer.
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Post by Val on Oct 24, 2020 4:12:59 GMT
Watching Kinsley unravel was almost as satisfying as making her surrender to him. He could feel her indignation building, threatening to boil over as he expressed pity over the suffering she had endured at the hands of Harvey. Julian wasn’t adept at conveying many emotions, but pity was exceptionally easy for him. It was a demeaning sentiment, meant to break down rather than build up, and Kinsley fell right for his ploy. The more in control he felt over the situation, the less he felt the need to react violently. Kinsley was obviously desperate for him to crumble and take the bait, anything to make him feel as trapped as she felt.
Julian allowed her rant about sex to fly over his head, his expression remaining impassive no matter how deep her stabs were intended to be. Kinsley was unintentionally giving him more and more insight about her abusive relationship and her twisted view of sex. If he actually believed what she was saying, she might’ve been able to provoke the reaction she was looking for. Unfortunately for her, Julian did not believe for a second that she longed to fuck her long dead victim or had ever wanted to fuck him in the first place. The curve of a smirk touched his lips as she began to grasp at straws to prove her worth, but the pleased look abruptly disappeared when he registered the threat in her words.
Julian stared at her unblinkingly, his face darkening as his mood shifted into an unfortunate direction. He had broken her out of prison. He had risked his freedom to save her life. He had nursed her back to health. He had provided for her each and every day. He had been so, so patient. And yet, Kinsley had shown time and time again that she was ungrateful and unwilling to be the person he needed her to be. His eyes reflected blatant disappointment; she had failed, and he hoped that she was ashamed of herself. Julian didn’t make foolish mistakes, not like Harvey. He knew what Kinsley was, and he didn’t need a veiled threat to keep him on his toes. He was always on his toes, and always one step ahead of whoever had managed to grasp his attention. It might have felt good in the moment for Kinsley to unleash her wrath upon him, but he would make sure that she regretted it.
Her hesitation and subtle movements were not lost on Julian. Time tended to slow down in his mind when he was upset, giving him the clarity necessary to pinpoint his opponent’s weaknesses before he struck back. His eyes took a nanosecond to flicker downward, observing the subtle movement of her legs, before shooting back up again. Despite her denial, Julian could sense the lust radiating from her, but only because he felt it, too. It was infuriating to watch her resist her own body- she was trapped in the past, and she was afraid. Fortunately, Julian was used to holding his breath. He’d waited years and years for the perfect moment to escape prison, and he’d succeeded. If Kinsley thought he wasn’t capable of waiting to bury himself inside of her, she simply didn’t understand him at all.
The rushed question caught him off guard. Julian wasn’t done mulling over how he planned on retaliating in response to her attempts at intimidation. The silence was growing heavier by the minute, as if the very air that surrounded them was waiting for his next move. His body remained carefully stretched out on the bed with no indication that he had any intentions of harming her physically. Rather, Julian was lost in his head, developing a series of steps that he hoped would eventually make her beg for forgiveness. Eventually, he sat up and finally tore his gaze away from her. Without a word, he reached his hands behind his head and grasped at the back of his shirt, pulling it over his head in one swift movement. They had yet to entertain the stripping option of their little game, but Julian was feeling strangely less inhibited after her adamant rejection.
“I don’t like liars, Kinsley.” He turned slowly to face her, his eyes dark enough to swallow her whole, “Next time you feel inclined to lie to me, I suggest shutting your pretty mouth if you want this arrangement to continue.” It was easy to turn her threat back upon her, using the abundance of leverage he had as a result of their bizarre circumstances. “I don’t think you fucked Harvey. I think he raped you.” The rebuttal was swift and merciless, leaving no opening for her to defend herself. He had no interest in entertaining Kinsley’s falsified stories- he wanted the truth, or nothing at all.
Julian reached a hand out impulsively, letting his fingers brush against her tightly locked knees in a feather light touch, “If you ever threaten me again, I will show you exactly why I was in prison,” he promised, his voice as cold as ice as the events leading up to his capture flashed through his mind in a series of disturbing images. “Now tell me, what exactly did you hope to gain by adding a stripping element to this game of yours?” he questioned, as though he hadn’t just gone out of his way to scare her into cooperating. Despite his easy flow to the next topic, it was abundantly clear that Julian wasn’t over the conflict between them. He hoped that the anxiety would build and build until Kinsley was left floating in the abyss, waiting helplessly for whatever he had in store next.
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Post by starrea on Oct 26, 2020 2:48:16 GMT
The air between Julian and Kinsley was suddenly cold and tense, and it extinguished the fight in Kinsley. Kinsley had crossed a line, and she knew it. He was unnervingly observant, picking up on every subtle movement Kinsley made. Even though he had yet to say anything, disappointment rolled off of him in stifling waves, making her sway in her indignation. It was startling that a shift in moods could drastically shake her resolve in whatever she had been feeling seconds before, but she was already fighting the urge to submit to him.
The threat almost eluded Kinsley, who was shamelessly staring Julian's bare chest. Her hungry eyes took in his sculpted physique, truly surprised with Julian's choice. The question had been so mundane, so anticipated for two people who had met in prison. She supposed there were some folks who didn't want to talk about their crimes, but she had learned that more often than not, it was because their crimes were the kind of crimes that didn't sit well with other incarcerated criminals. Despite their appearance of anarchy, there were some crimes that were completely off limits, even to sociopaths and psychopaths like herself - and those folks never lasted long behind bars. Her eyes finally drifted from his chest up to his face, studying his features slowly as she tried to imagine him as the type who committed sexual crimes against kids, but she couldn't see it. Pedophiles had a certain indescribable quality about them, something that made it so extraordinarily easy for criminals like herself to sniff out, but Julian lacked it. It made her wonder why he didn't want her to know, and it exponentially increased her desire to know more.
When the threat finally registered, it sent shivers down Kinsley's spine. As much as he was pissing her off, she knew that the only way their arrangement ended was in her death; whether it was slowly, by starvation or infection, or quickly as he tightened his hands around her throat, her life was irrevocably twisted with his. His fingers ghosted over her legs, leaving a trail of hot goosebumps in their wake and making her squeeze her legs together tighter. The masochist in Kinsley made an unwanted appearance, sending another bolt of excitement straight through her as her mind imagined all the ways he could bend her to his will. Once those thoughts started, it was hard to stop them but she knew she couldn't indulge them. In prison, it didn't matter that she instigated fights with the guards that left her bruised and bleeding for weeks but she wasn't in prison anymore, and it mattered out here. Survival, even under Julian's protection, was never guaranteed and she needed to stay as strong as she could with her brand new disability.
Kinsley opened her mouth, the apology already halfway out of her mouth before she abruptly stopped herself. Kinsley had always loathed apologies - and she'd apologized a lot. At least half of the words she had spoken up until she went to prison had been I'm sorry, and every single one of them had been bullshit. Most of the time, she didn't even act remorseful. The lengths people deluded themselves always surprised Kinsley; her apologies could be accompanied by such blatant contradictory and apathetic behaviors, but people still comfort in the traditional words. Her mother had been the worst offender of them all, always making Kinsley apologize before pardoning her of her misconduct. Even when faced with Kinsley's indignation, her hateful truths that she wasn't remorseful, her mother hadn't stopped the senseless practice and it grated on Kinsley as the years passed. When they sentenced her to life in prison, she had turned around to look at her mother with an unrestrained smile. The trauma of losing both daughters - one to death, the other to darkness - and the stress of Kinsley's trial had aged her mother well beyond her years, and as she sat on the benches in the courtroom, she looked as though she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. She locked eyes with her mother, making sure to mouth the words slowly so that her mother understood exactly what she was trying to tell her: I'm not sorry.
The apology would have been disingenuous. He had caught her lying fair and square - her unraveling had been her giveaway, and she simmered over the thought that he could so easily manipulate her even as she recognized what he was doing. He was surely already compiling a comprehensive list of ways to make Kinsley truly sorry, but his threat wasn't the only reason she had stopped her apology short. In the eight years she had been in prison, she hadn't felt compelled to apologize. Her sister's death had freed her of years of her mother's thorough conditioning, and its sudden and unwelcoming reappearance unsettled her. There was a pattern between them that was emerging, one in which Julian seemed to effortlessly disturb long-buried feelings and memories. She had told herself that she saw his manipulations for what they were, but was too interested to resist such an opportunity to play, but now she was starting to think otherwise. Maybe she wasn't as in control as she thought she was.
I think he raped you. The accusation stole the breath out of Kinsley's lungs, jarring her from her thoughts. There were only two people who knew what happened to Kinsley that night, and one of them was dead. Julian, without even knowing the entire story, was now the third person who knew the truth. She tried to open her mouth to defend herself but no words came out. He hadn't asked a question and he hadn't left any room for argument. Hearing the word rape out loud sounded different than it did in her thoughts, making Kinsley seethe that he had just brazenly forced her to face that truth. Despite the mixture of anger and vulnerability simmering just beneath the surface, Kinsley didn't look away from Julian. It didn't matter what Harvey had done. She wasn't a victim, and she needed him to see that.
She mimicked his silence for a long moment, absorbing his question. He had mercifully moved on from the unbearable subject, but it felt like trap. The question, his uncharacteristic kindness of steering away from that night, his quiet behavior all felt dangerous - especially after she had just threatened him. Instead of answering, she leaned forward and pulled her own shirt up and over her head, discarding it on the floor. Julian hadn't dressed her extravagantly - he had only dressed her in a loose t-shirt, a pair of sweatpants, and some panties. He hadn't bothered with a bra and without her shirt, she had only two pieces of clothing left. She reached up to brush her hair back, surprised to find it far cleaner than she would have anticipated for someone who had been mostly unconscious for... however long she was unconscious for. Days? A week? Had he bathed her during that time? He had obviously carried her up from that hidden room and dressed her. What else had be done while she had been unconscious?
Kinsley settled back against the headboard, her shoulder brushing up against Julian's. She mimicked his cool demeanor, keeping her eyes forward and off of Julian's very bare chest.
"What are you going to do with me?" Kinsley asked, leaving the question very open-ended. She was very precise with her wording, admitting that she understood that despite her threat, he was in charge and he controlled her. Without him, she was on borrowed time. Whether she was referring to his inevitable retribution for her impudence or not was left deliberately unclear and up to Julian to decipher how he wanted to answer.
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Post by Val on Nov 9, 2020 0:01:39 GMT
The look in Kinsley’s eyes as she studied him for answers reflected his own; they were both desperate to understand each other. The process was painstakingly slow as they maintained a delicate dance to one up each other at every given moment. After spending years like a caged animal, Julian found himself enthralled by the game no matter how frustrating it became. There was something uniquely complex about their circumstances and taking the easy way out was never going to be an option.
Julian subconsciously held his breath as she examined his exposed upper body, now second guessing whether she was attracted to him at all. Even though there were deep seated reasons behind her rejection, that knowledge failed to prevent a seed of doubt from planting itself in the back of his mind. Perhaps it was the reason he had felt compelled to reach out and touch her; it was a test, and her reaction was pleasant. He studied the raised bumps that followed his fingers before pulling away, reassured by the knowledge that her body wanted him. It was unsurprising that her fractured mind would become the ultimate obstacle, and Julian was confident in his ability to unravel her over time.
Interestingly, her examination didn’t end at his physique. Julian could sense that she was trying to pry him open- to understand why he had dodged the question. He’d seen the look before and knew that she was trying to further demonize him and justify whatever negativity she felt toward him. He already told her that he wasn’t a rapist, and she refused to believe him, so he could only imagine what sort of depravity she was conjuring up. The scrutiny didn’t bother him; he’d long ago stopped caring what others thought about his morality and not even Kinsley could shake his confidence in the matter. One day he would answer her question, but she hadn’t earned such a reward and he wasn’t feeling particularly giving as their game progressed.
Julian’s eyes narrowed as he watched her mouth open and close wordlessly. His first instinct was to make her spit out whatever she’d felt inclined to say, but he stopped himself. His own words, spoken moments before, flooded back to him. He’d told her to shut her mouth next time she felt like lying, and it seemed his instructions might’ve broken through to her in the most literal way possible. A pleased smirk graced his lips as she stifled the mystery words down. Finally, he could see that she was listening to him, and that knowledge alone was enough to dull the edges of his simmering anger.
Although Julian had left no room for Kinsley to defend herself from his crude allegation, he was surprised when she made no effort to rebuke him. He held her gaze, waiting for her to deny, to twist his words against him, to crack under the weight of the past- but she remained still and silent. Her fortitude was unexpected and led him to two conclusions. One, Julian’s suspicions were correct. Two, Kinsley was far stronger than he thought. He could sense just how devastating the incident had been to her, and yet she refused to crumble no matter how much he forced the memory back to the surface. The understanding caused a rare and heady sense of respect to flood through him; Julian had little respect for his fellow man, but Kinsley earned at least a flicker of recognition for her ability to come out on top. If she was strong enough to overcome his antagonizing, then he was more than happy to help her conquer her aversion to sex.
Julian had just settled comfortably amongst the pillows when Kinsley suddenly sat up and mimicked his play by removing her shirt. His heart rate dared to quicken against his will as he studied the delicate curve of her spine and the way her silky hair splayed out over her shoulder blades. His fingers twitched with the innate desire to be the one stripping her, but he was quick to stifle the spark of lust before it had the chance to catch. Julian was far from the hot-blooded male type; he had a disturbing level of control over his body’s impulses and he refused to become excitable over such a simple act. He reminded himself that Kinsley had rejected him, and that tonight would be just as unsatisfying as every other night he’d endured for the past several years.
Following her line of sight, he kept his eyes straight ahead and tried to ignore the soft brush of their skin as she settled into place. He listened to the question, finding the series of words to be familiar, but their intent far different. It was gratifying to know that Kinsley was succumbing to their inevitable relationship, and yet he felt a distinct sense of emptiness amidst the realization. He didn’t just want Kinsley to simply cling to him for the sake of survival, he wanted her to see that he could build her into something better than she was before. Together, they would be a force unlike any other.
“I’m going to heal you.” The answer was just as vague as her question, but it held a far greater depth of meaning than just the literal sense. In his own twisted way, he truly meant it; he would tend to her, take care of her, and build her back up into a better version of herself. He allowed his thoughts to drift into the future, something he had deliberately avoided during his imprisonment. In captivity, things were decided for you day by day, and they rarely strayed from the norm. Now that they were free, the possibilities were open and endless, and Julian had years’ and years’ worth of ambitions stored away. This was only the beginning.
“What kind of punishment do you think you deserve?” he wondered, allowing his curiosity to take the shape of yet another question. He already had plenty of ideas in mind and planned on implementing them as soon as their game ended, but he wanted to know what direction her mind went in at the mention of retribution.
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