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Post by starrea on Jun 8, 2020 18:21:52 GMT
Time was nonexistent in the bunker. Without any natural light, it was impossible to tell if seconds or days were passing and Lennox was started to feel ungrounded. She had tried to open the front door that Xander had disappeared out of, but the pitch black tunnel combined with the knowledge that it was roaming with despondent spirits was enough to make her slam it shut again. It wasn’t until after he left that the real fear of abandonment set in and it dawned on her that if he didn’t come back, she would die down here.
It didn’t help that her health started to unravel. She wasn’t sure if it was the panic or the the sickness, but a coat of sweat covered her body even though she wasn’t hot. The nausea was next and she made a point to dangle her feet precariously over the ledge that dropped into the angry ocean waves, emptying her stomach over the ledge each time an overwhelming urge came over her. She only crawled away from the ledge after even bile stopped coming up.
At one point, Lennox thought about trying the door again. Even if she could navigate her way out, she wasn’t sure the Universe’s blessing of protection from the spirits extended without Xander. If she went out there, she risked angering an angry spirit, or worse - breathing one in and having it share her body. But all her worrying was for nothing because for any of those bad things to happen, she had to actually get up and walk out the door, and right now the nausea was so overpowering that just the thought of standing made her retch.
Everything started to blur together as she passed in and it of consciousness. At one point, she opened her eyes to see Stark kneeling down in front of her, but when she went to grab him he turned to dust. Another time, she heard her mom’s voice calling to her from the beyond the door, begging her to come out.
Lennox woke up on the main floor of the bunker, the familiar, unrelenting wave of nausea eating away at her. She felt weak from the lack of food and her head was starting to protest painfully. She looked around for any sign of Xander but he hadn’t come back, not yet, maybe not ever, and she couldn’t stop the tears of frustration from spilling down her cheeks.
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Post by Val on Jun 9, 2020 3:40:05 GMT
Xander was still riding the high from the success of his mission as he approached the door to the bunker. After busting Bo out of captivity, he had brought the boy back to his house to let him recuperate. He had been eager to introduce his friends to each other, but Bo's current state was less than pleasant. First impressions were important, and he'd rather have them both healthy before they officially met.
Slipping the key from his pocket, he unlocked the ancient door and pushed his way into the hideout. It had taken a full day to complete the rescue mission, and he'd spent much of the following day situating Bo, packing supplies, and traveling back to Lennox. In his mind, time had flown by. He knew Lennox would be safe here, and that was enough consolation for him not to have to worry about her well being while he was gone.
He strode down the hallway, peering into the empty rooms as he passed. "Lennox?" he called, a tinge of worry creeping over him when he reached the last door and found it vacant. Had she left? The simple thought of abandonment was nearly enough for his mood to crash and burn, but he rounded the corner into the main cavern just in time to find Lennox sprawled out on the floor.
From a distance, he was unaware of the state she was in and grinned upon seeing her, "Lennox. You're a genius, you know that?" he greeted, swaggering forward and practically beaming with the success of the trip, "Bo is safe. Thanks to you..."
It wasn't long before he trailed off, finally noticing Lennox's obvious despair. He froze for a moment before dropping the bag of supplies to the ground and rushing toward her. He knelt on the stone floor at her side and took in the sight of her, feeling his gut wrench with concern. At first, he was bewildered over what could have possibly happened to her within the safety of the cave. His first instinct was to assume someone had done this to her; that there was someone to blame. But it quickly dawned on him that there was no one to blame but himself.
The memory of their last conversation came rushing back all at once, and he realized just how serious Lennox had been about her condition. If he really was her cure, then their brief time apart had truly devastated her. Reaching for her, Xander wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, hugging her tightly. He pulled back just enough to wipe her tears away with a swipe of his thumbs, searching her gaze for answers, "Tell me what happened," he urged. An apology sat on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. He wasn't sure he was ready to take accountability for her pain; as soon as he did that, he would become ultimately responsible for her, and that was terrifying in itself.
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Post by starrea on Jun 9, 2020 17:02:34 GMT
At first, Lennox thought Xander’s voice was just another vicious trick of her mind but then his very-real arms circled around her and the relief crashed over like cold water on a hot day. The nausea and the headache disappeared just as if Lennox had snapped her fingers and wished them gone but she was still left feeling shaky from the lack of food. She couldn’t help but curl into Xander, allowing him to heal her.
The tears didn’t stop, however. If anything, her tears turned into sobs and she leaned into his chest to hide her face as she cried. Everything about her life was completely out of her control and she was falling to pieces. The only thing in her life that made any sense was Xander, but the fact that she was forced to rely on him so heavily was terrifying. Lennox had always been an independent person and the forced reliance was just another layer of misery brought on by her illness. Maybe it was time to listen to the signs the Universe was telling her - that maybe she wasn’t meant to live.
“I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I want to leave, take me out.” Lennox demanded between her sobs but she made no move to pull away from Xander.
“I didn’t see it before because I didn’t want to see it, but the Universe wants me to die. Everything is so out of control and I can’t do anything about it. And I get so sick, I hate being sick. I don’t want to be sick anymore.” Lennox’s voice cracked and the tears spilled down her cheeks, soaking into Xander’s shirt.
It was uncharacteristic of Lennox to fall apart in front of someone but she really just couldn’t hold it together any longer. She turned her head every so slightly just so she could peek at the edge of the cliff that she knew dropped down into the angry waves with rocks below. Even if the fall didn’t kill her, the rocks would. The tears started to slow as she latched onto the idea of freeing herself from her ailing body. The fear of what came after death faded to the background as the desire of ending her pain grew.
For the moment, though, she didn’t move from her spot. She sniffled, staying firmly tucked into Xander’s arm. She needed him right now, needed his comfort, needed him to make her feel better even if it was just for a second.
What Lennox didn’t realize is that even though she touched Xander, she wasn’t forcibly plunged into visions beyond her control.
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Post by Val on Jun 10, 2020 0:28:30 GMT
Xander tensed up, defiance filling his eyes as she practically begged for death. He refused to accept Lennox's view of the Universe, especially now that it was making her suicidal. She deserved to be free of her torment, but what she didn't seem to realize was how special she was. Sometimes gifts came with a price, and hers had to be worthy of suffering.
His arms tightened around her as she looked toward the cliff side, refusing to give her such an option. The only consolation he felt was that if she truly wanted to die, she would have done it already, before he returned. He knew that she wanted to live, he just had to prove to her that it was worth it to hold on.
"Fuck the Universe," he uttered with conviction. He was sure he had said the words to her before, but this time they came with a rush of red hot emotion. "I need you, Lennox. We need each other." He gazed down at her, watching the tears spill down her cheeks. If she was looking for pity in his eyes, she wouldn't find it. Rather, they were filled with unbridled determination. He would go to the ends of the earth to make her see how important she was.
"We can take control of our own lives. Be the masters of our own Universe. Giving up isn't an option." If there was one thing Xander had plenty of, it was sheer will power to keep going despite all obstacles. He fed off of anger like it was a life source, and he wanted to share that with Lennox. He wasn't sure what strange reaction occurred between them, but he would allow her to feed off of his energy if it meant she would stay by his side.
Xander reached for one of her hands, lacing their fingers together in an attempt to add more skin to skin contact between them. He could already see the color returning to her face and it made him feel more important than he ever had in his life. Maybe being responsible for her wasn't as scary as he'd thought; it could give him the strength and purpose and companionship he lacked, "Tell me you'll fight."
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Post by starrea on Jun 10, 2020 1:27:29 GMT
There was something undoubtably special about Xander, something about him that kept the sickness in Lennox at bay, but the shivers that went up her spine when he spoke were something else entirely. The way he spoke with such conviction... it reminded her of Stark. She spent hours and hours listening to him speak with passion and conviction, but it had never been about her. Lennox had always pined for Stark’s attention, dreamed that one day someone pups say these very words to her, but all it did was make her sad.
Lennox was surprised when Xander laced their fingers together and she gave his hand a gentle squeeze before she leaned her head against his chest. Lennox had grown up surrounded by people who cared about her, but it was much more of a selfish love so hearing Xander’s selfless concern for her was almost uncomfortable. Her mom hadn’t been all there in the head, and her sister had been a typical aloof teenager before she vanished. And then Stark was there, and Lennox liked to believe he had loved her, but he left too.
As much as Lennox wanted to hush Xander and scold him for cursing the Universe, she couldn’t find the strength. She had put every ounce of her faith into the Universe, had tried to be the perfect disciple, and she had been rewarded with a curse that was slowly killing her. The very thought that she had wasted her entire life believing in something that wasn’t real was so sickening her stomach turned with nausea and she closed her eyes to hold back more tears.
Lennox grit her teeth and decided she needed to pull it together. As nice as this moment was, she wasn’t the type of person to rely on anyone else. It took a lot more willpower than she cared to admit, but she finally leaned away from Xander, far enough that she could face him but close enough that she was still mostly entangled in his lap.
“I’ll fight.” She finally said, but her voice didn’t carry nearly the same amount of conviction as he did. Her cheeks were hot with embarrassment as the silence drew out between them and she was suddenly very aware of the fact that she just broke down in his arms.
She started to pull away again, “I’m, uh, I’m sorry about that. I can go if you want me to.”
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Post by Val on Jun 11, 2020 23:07:36 GMT
Xander accepted her commitment, but he still wasn't fully convinced that she was going to preserve herself. Even though he appeared to have broken through to her on some level, he sensed that she wasn't completely convinced of changing her outlook on the world. For once in his life, Xander knew he would have to be patient. Ever since his mother had died, he felt like he was growing up rapidly and leaving his childish behaviors behind. He couldn't be a kid anymore without his mother to protect him.
He frowned as she started to pull away, but loosened his arms to give her distance. He could relate to her underlying embarrassment, even though he made a point of showing zero judgement. Breaking down in front of people was difficult, but sometimes inevitable.
"Go?" he repeated, his eyes brows furrowing in confusion. "I don't want you to go," he said incredulously, wondering how she could have possibly been thinking that. Maybe she was projecting and she was the one that wanted to leave. Once the thought entered his head, it was impossible to ignore.
Xander allowed her to retreat from his arms and leaned away, exhaling softly. He wanted to praise Lennox and thank her for what she'd done, but it felt wrong to celebrate the small victory after she'd been suffering alone. His eyes trailed off toward the cliff side where a particularly large wave crashed against the rocks, spraying a mist of water upwards into the cave.
"I'm sorry I left you down here," he finally released the apology, realizing that he had basically imprisoned her, since there was no easy way out of the bunker. Perhaps he had subconsciously done it on purpose, so that she couldn't disappear on him. "You can go if you want. I'll lead you," he offered rather dejectedly.
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Post by starrea on Jun 12, 2020 2:06:42 GMT
Lennox couldn’t bring herself to look at Xander, not after she had just broken down in his lap, and instead followed his gaze to the cliff side. It was hard not to be tempted by the certainty of what would happen to her if she jumped; death. For all Lennox knew, she was slowly dying anyway and the thought of having control over her final moments was enticing. But Xander has just told he wanted her to stay and she had forgotten how good it felt to hear that.
Lennox hadn’t realized how lonely she was. Even after she had been sick and cried, Xander still didn’t want her to leave. That thought alone brought another fresh wave of tears to her eyes and she threw her arms around Xander, hugging him tightly. Maybe it was okay that she needed him.
“I don’t have anywhere else to go.” Lennox admitted softly, head buried in his shoulder. Now that Xander was back and had said he didn’t want her to leave, she didn’t want to leave either. The very real worry of getting sick again was reason enough to want to stay, but there was more to it than that - Lennox wanted to stay because she was starting to become attached to Xander.
Her cheeks flushed red again when Xander apologized and she was glad she had her face pressed up against his shoulder so he couldn’t see. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been worried. The Universe is telling me to trust you.” She said, reminding herself as much as she was telling him. They may have agreed to look after one another earlier, but it didn’t feel real until this very moment. For the first time since Stark had left, Lennox felt like she had a purpose again.
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Post by Val on Jun 12, 2020 20:45:11 GMT
Xander felt undeniable relief when Lennox hugged him, quelling the fear of abandonment that was building within him. There was no doubt that Lennox had come into his life at exactly the right time. Without her, he might've still been in self imposed isolation. If she were to actually leave, he wasn't sure how he'd be able to continue on the path he'd set out for himself. Friendship was necessary, but this felt like more than that.
Their embrace lasted a long moment, but Xander eventually pulled his head back so that he could look down at her. He noticed the redness in her cheeks and suddenly he no longer felt in control of his actions. Closing his eyes, he leaned forward and planted a kiss on her lips. The innocent moment lasted no more than a few seconds, but it was enough for Xander to know that it felt right. His eyes flickered back open to catch her reaction, feeling his own face flush with embarrassment almost instantaneously.
He'd never kissed someone before and he knew that had to be very evident. Lennox's experiences were a mystery to him, but he genuinely had never felt so self conscious in his life. His mother's advice surfaced in his mind...something about consent? He had no idea if Lennox felt the same way, but he mentally prepared himself for a punch to the face.
"I'm sorry," he blurted out, "I mean, I'm not really sorry. I wanted to do that. I want to do it again. I mean..." he fumbled for an explanation, but was at a loss for words. He made an executive decision to shut his mouth and sighed, looking downward so that his dark curls shrouded his face, "Please say something," he muttered.
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Post by starrea on Jun 13, 2020 0:41:39 GMT
Lennox had never been kissed before. Despite dreaming and wishing for Stark to kiss her, he had never shown much more interest in her than just enough to keep her dedicated. The kiss caught her by surprise and by the time the shock wore off, he was already pulling away, leaving her disappointed and wanting more. Honestly, the thought of kissing Xander hadn't even crossed her mind until his lips had connected with hers, but now that he had done it, she realized how much more she wanted. Her stomach exploded with butterflies and she raised a hand to her lips, her fingers gently brushing over them as if she couldn't really believe that he had just kissed her. Her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment and she hoped she hadn't messed up the kiss, because surely Xander had kissed lots of girls before, and she looked down shyly.
When Lennox was sick, it was hard to think about anything other than getting better. Unfortunately, that was something that was at the very least at the back of her mind, if not dominating her thoughts. But Xander made everything better - he made her healthy, he was making her happy, and now that he had kissed her, she was irreversibly committed to him. It was then that she realized that she wasn't being forcibly plunged into visions and that startling revelation only added another layer to her excitement. Her whole body was humming with excitement and suddenly all of the pain she felt just fifteen minutes ago felt like another lifetime. There is no way she would consider ending herself now, not after Xander had kissed her. He had given her something to fight for - his attention and affection.
Lennox was too embarrassed to look Xander in the eye, too nervous that she would disappointment reflected back at her, but when he said he wanted to kiss her again, she finally looked up. For a second, she didn't do anything but stare at him. But instead of saying something, she leaned forward and closed the distance between them again, pressing her lips firmly to his. This time, Lennox wanted more than just a quick kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him, into the kiss, and pulled him close. It was only when her lungs screamed for air that Lennox finally pulled away.
"I'm yours," She whispered, locking gazes with him so he could see how serious she was. Somewhere in the back of the head, she hushed any worried thoughts. She could see herself falling into the same habits, hopelessly falling for someone and committing her entire being to them, but she was too far gone to care. He was her new addiction, her new reason for being, and she couldn't even bring herself to care that it would probably destroy her in the end because as long as he continued to look at her like he had after they kissed, nothing else mattered.
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Post by Val on Jun 15, 2020 20:17:39 GMT
Xander had zero expectations when it came to Lennox's reaction, but he was pleasantly surprised when she reconnected their lips. Despite his nerves, kissing Lennox felt natural and right. He pulled her close until their bodies were flush against each other, raising one hand to her cheek where his fingers gently brushed her hair to the side. It was a million news sensations at once, and he was breathless when she finally pulled away.
His eyes were wide and attentive as they locked with Lennox's, every ounce of his attention focused on her. For once, his worries and insecurities were absent, replaced with hope for the future that Lennox had managed to instill in him. Her commitment gave him strength, and he promised himself then and there that he would protect her at all costs. Losing her in any way was not an option.
A smile slowly reached his lips, "We're going to be unstoppable," he promised her, the words holding a depth of different meanings. It was his way of returning the sentiment, and letting her know that they were now a team in every sense of the word.
As much as he wanted to kiss her again, he felt the need to prove that he could take care of her. He hadn't forgotten how much of a wreck she'd been when he arrived, "You should eat something," he reminded her. He moved to stand up, pulling her to her feet along with him. He paused long enough to make sure she was steady before moving toward the food stores, keeping their fingers interlaced, "Do you want to hear about the mission?" he asked, obviously excited to share their success.
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Post by starrea on Jun 16, 2020 3:18:00 GMT
All Lennox could do was stare at Xander with star-struck eyes and allow him to pull her up with him. It was then that Lennox realized something else - the nausea and hunger that ravaged her stomach were mysteriously absent, and her headache gone. The kiss had been a million new sensations all at once and now Lennox realized that it hadn't all just been first-kiss excitement. In fact, Lennox realized that she felt stronger than she had in months. She wasn't just not sick, she felt good. Her muscles hummed with renewed energy and she wasn't plagued with exhaustion. For the first time in a long, Lennox felt strong. She stared at Xander with wonderment, realizing just how much the Universe was pushing her into his arms. His words only further her resolve; Xander was destined for greatness, and she was beyond grateful that he would take her with him.
"I'm not hungry anymore," Lennox said but didn't resist as he tugged her along. She wasn't sure she would ever be able to resist him, not after that kiss, not after the way he cured her.
A spike of jealousy flared up at the mention of the mission but she choked it down. It bothered her that she wasn't the only thing on his mind after that kiss and truthfully, she didn't shit about Bo. The idea of having to share Xander had irritated before, but now she felt possessive over him and even though she hadn't met Bo, she already disliked him. But even though he had rescued Bo, it meant that she had been right. Xander had finally seen that she wasn't just some sick, homeless girl and she swelled with pride that she hadn't let him down.
"I was right, wasn't I?" She asked, but she already knew the answer. "Ever since I tried to control it, it hasn't happened. I think I can control it, at least a little." The little bit of control felt like the Universe had tossed her life preserver and she needed to cling to it, otherwise she was bound to drown. With Xander around, it felt things were finally starting to settle down.
Suddenly, an idea struck her like a bolt of lightning. She couldn't believe she hadn't thought of it before. "Maybe if I could see Bo locked in that room, maybe I can see the people who killed your mother."
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Post by Val on Jun 20, 2020 2:23:25 GMT
Whether she was hungry or not, Xander felt obligated to make sure she ate and pointedly ignored the statement as he led her to the sleeping quarters. He snatched up the bag of supplies he had brought with him on the way and kept his fingers firmly interlaced with Lennox's until they reached the room. He guided her onto one of the beds and sat beside her, busying himself with unpacking the bag.
He felt unusually scatter brained and he chalked it up to the fact that he had just kissed a girl for the first time. It was nearly impossible to stop thinking about it, especially under the circumstances and the undeniable connection between them. Even so, he did his best to maintain some semblance of maturity, intent on proving himself to Lennox even though she didn't technically have any expectations of him.
Xander had spent most of his young life trying to prove himself to people. Not just to his mother, or even Brogan, but really anyone that crossed his path and looked at him the wrong way. Old habits died hard, and he was subconsciously falling into the same old pattern. This time, however, he reasoned that it was important for him to be responsible and safe- an anchor for Lennox, rather than a source of chaos.
"You were right," he confirmed with a grin, pulling some neatly wrapped packages of food from his bag. The smell of fresh bread and cheese wafted through the air of the enclosed space, providing a comforting presence. He unwrapped the goods and laid them out for Lennox to chose from, looking up at her as she spoke of her ability. Whether or not she could control it yet, he knew that he could help her. He didn't care what it took, he wanted Lennox to know that she was in control of her own Universe.
Everything felt right, but the mention of his mother proved to send him reeling back to reality. He closed his eyes momentarily as Sahara's image flashed in his mind, causing his chest to tighten with sorrow. Lennox was right, but the idea of being confronted with his mother's murderers right then and there was too much in that moment.
"I think you're right," he agreed. His brown eyes flickered back open, so reflective of his emotions that he didn't feel like he needed to explain. "When I find out who did it...I don't think I'll be able to stop until justice has been served," he admitted. It wasn't Lennox's ability he lacked faith in, but himself.
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Post by starrea on Jun 23, 2020 21:42:14 GMT
Xander was a tidal wave and Lennox could do nothing except be swept away with him. She felt like she was moving in slow motion compared to him but she was still reeling from everything that happened; from contemplating killing herself to finding her reason to live, to serve the Universe through serving Xander. The kiss hadn't helped clear her mind, either, and instead managed to break through and dominate any other stray train of thought she was having, making it impossible to process everything that had happened. Her emotions felt like they were two steps behind and they came in waves, leaving her unsure of what she even feeling.
Lennox couldn't help but think of Stark. His memory had become a disease that she couldn't free herself from no matter how much she longed to forget, but now she couldn't stop herself from drawing parallels between him and Xander. Even though she felt confident that the Universe was pushing her into Xander's arms, she couldn't entirely ignore the warning bells going off in her mind. Stark's abandonment had devastated Lennox and the stakes were even higher with Xander - if he left her, her death would inevitably follow. The thought of being abandoned a second time, a third time if she counted her mother's suicide, made her queasy. Her self-preservation kicked in and her faith in Xander began to waver, scared to be that vulnerable with him but powerless to prevent it from happening. Whatever had started between them had already been set into motion and now all Lennox could do was pray that Xander wouldn't destroy her.
For a second, she imagined herself falling off of the cliff and into the angry waves below. Her death would be uneventful; one second she would be, and the next second she wouldn't. In all her years on this Earth, Lennox had never considered killing herself until today - and now even though the notion of suicide seemed preposterous, the thought lingered with her. The memory of her mother's suicide still sometimes haunted her; she could still see the space between the ground and her mother's feet as she hung, still feel the overpowering sense of powerlessness when she realized she was too short to reach the knots that held her mother up, even when she stood on a chair. It took her another hour or so until she finally balanced a box on top of the chair and found a knife to cut her mother down. She hadn't considered suicide when her sister disappeared, or when Stark disappeared, or even when she was starving, homeless, and throwing up blood. But now, the simplicity of death was something to be admired when her life was dominated by chaos.
Xander's praise broke her macabre thoughts and she stared down to realize that he had placed an array of food in front of her to choose from. One look at his expression told Lennox that he expected her to eat and even though she wasn't hungry, the bread looked fresh and she picked up a slice and took a bite out of it. His smile was enough to ward off any other lingering thoughts of death and she basked in his praise. She was about to take another bite of the bread when her suggestion sent Xander reeling and his obvious change in attitude caused her to hesitate. She anxiously put the bread back down, worried she already did something wrong. When he opened his eyes, she saw every ounce of pain he had to be feeling and she softened.
"I'll be here, I'll be whatever you need me to be," Lennox said softly, "If you are unsure, you should ask for a sign from the Universe about which path to take." Lennox knew that Xander didn't follow her beliefs, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't extend them towards him. "I thought I was going to die, and then the Universe pointed me towards you."
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Post by Val on Jul 4, 2020 1:01:34 GMT
Xander had managed to maintain a front of unwavering confidence during his time with Lennox, but things had shifted between them and he could feel the facade slipping. It had been necessary to show Lennox, like everyone else, that he was strong and independent. It was an innate desire to prove himself to anyone who bothered to look at him, even if they didn't care. Without his mother, his former identity was crumbling to pieces. He wanted to move on, to become a man, but he had yet to let go of the past.
Instead of dismissing Lennox's beliefs as he'd done many time before, the words seemed to break through the last thread he was clinging to. Weeks worth of self contained sorrow broke through like a raging flood and he hunched forward, catching his face in his hands. The shudder of a barely contained sob wracked through his shoulders, and he knew there was no going back. Now that he had someone he was capable of being vulnerable with, the bottled up emotions were coming up full force.
"It's my fault! I can't ask for help, I can't depend on the Universe, I have to do this myself. I'm the one who failed my mother. Me. She saved my life and I gave her nothing in return." The words flowed out of him so quickly it was hard to keep up, until his voice cracked and he was forced to paused. Tears had begun streaming through his fingers, eventually dripping and straining the fabric of his pants. He was already deeply embarrassed by this display, but it was inevitable.
"I know what I have to do, but I don't know what I'm up against," he whispered, though he was still unwilling to admit the real truth- that he was scared, "I can't fail." He inhaled a deep, shaky breath, still hiding his face from Lennox.
Despite his obvious desire to open up to someone, it was clear how difficult it was for him. Now that the tables had turned between them, he needed her comfort and he trusted her when she said she would be there for him. And yet, he couldn't face her. His instinct was to hide the weakness, even though he wanted nothing more to to be held, "I'm sorry," he told her, mortified by tears that just wouldn't stop flowing. He wanted to be her strength, but in that moment he felt anything but strong.
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Post by starrea on Jul 6, 2020 20:05:21 GMT
As Lennox watched Xander crumble in front of her, she genuinely didn't know what to do. It wasn't that she had never seen someone break and down and cry, but there was something different about watching Xander cry. She was already starting to look to him to be her strength and guidance and it was uncomfortable to watch him break down. It took a second for the apprehension to dissipate, but the longer she watched Xander cry, the more resolved she was to help his cause. After all he had done for her, the least she could do was ensure Xander had the opportunity to swiftly and mercilessly deliver justice to those who deserved it.
Lennox closed the tiny bit of space between them, resting her hand on his back as he sobbed. Her eyes locked onto the tear stains on his pants and she felt a wave of fierce protectiveness crash through her, and her thoughts of exactly what justice entailed took a dark turn. Violence was usually the result of someone fighting against the direction in which the Universe was guiding them and through careful interpretation of the signs, Lennox managed to mostly avoid it. But just because she rarely engaged in violence didn't mean she was against the use of severe or lethal violence in the name of justice. Unfortunately, no one was innocent and in the end, all men had to pay for their sins.
"You don't have to worry, I won't let you fail," Lennox soothed, her voice deadly serious. Lennox's loyalty was infinite and whether he realized it or not, she would ensure that he got what he so-rightly deserved. The idea of vigilante justice had never appealed to her before, but she had never seen the effects of someone victimized by senseless brutality. She wanted to paint herself red in the blood of his enemies, make them feel an ounce of the pain that he was feeling right now. And once Xander had cut his enemies to pieces, there would be nothing left to take his attention away from her.
"Don't be sorry, you just watched me cry, so we're even," Lennox said with a smile, even though they were the farthest thing from even. He was so much stronger, so much better than her, that they might as well have been trying to compare stars to mud. But mud had its place in the world, and Lennox knew what she could offer Xander - a plan. The idea of intricately organizing a plan that left nothing to chance channeled all the protectiveness into something that she did exceptionally well at. It made her giddy with excitement and she couldn't stop herself from picturing how impressed Xander would be with her when she delivered a foolproof plan of justice to him.
"We'll make a plan. And when you strike, they won't even see you coming."
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