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Post by Val on Aug 4, 2020 0:34:07 GMT
As the tears slowed, Xander was able to focus on the feeling of Lennox's hand pressed against his back and the soothing sound of her voice. He wasn't sure if it was related to her curious ability or not, but she had a talent for sucking the tension right out of his body. He felt light and free, like he could float to the top of the room if not for her persistent touch. It surpassed any substance high he'd ever achieved, allowing him to release the tension without suffering the consequences. It felt undeniably good to actually cry in front of someone, which was a shock to him. Despite his apprehension about being emotional, he'd spoken his fears aloud and nothing bad had happened. Rather, Lennox had accepted him.
Lifting his head from its place in his hands, he wiped the remaining moisture from his cheeks and turned to meet her gaze. What he found was more than acceptance- it was devotion. He felt something stir in him- a heady combination of power and pleasure. He wanted to reach out and grab it, and it suddenly dawned on him that he could. Lennox was the manifestation of not only what had been missing from his life, but also what he desperately wanted.
Turning on the small cot, he leaned forward and kissed her with more confidence than before. He didn't care that she had just watched him sob, or that his finger tips were still damp with tears as they tipped her chin up to meet his lips. They had shared a series of unforgettable moments together and any reservations that existed between them were quickly melting away.
"I want to take you to my home," he told her as soon as he pulled away. As safe as it was, keeping Lennox locked away in the bunker wasn't ideal. He wanted to treat her like a princess- not a dirty little secret. The sleeping quarters were dark and impersonal compared to his comfortable bedroom at his mother's sprawling farmhouse. She deserved to watch the sunset over the grassy fields that stretched around the estate.
Without waiting for an answer, he rose from the bed and took her hand, guiding her out of the room, down the dark hall, and back out into the world above ground.
The trek to the house was long, but worth it. It was just beginning to get dark when they approached the front steps that led up to a broad, wrap-around porch. The residence was impressive, but quiet and separate enough from society that his mother had been able to raise him with some semblance of normalcy. He released Lennox's hand to dismantle a series of locks that secured the front door before nudging it open and leading the way inside.
The house itself was appeared to be almost frozen in time- as if Xander hadn't ventured into certain parts of it since the passing of his mother. Her things were still left out, and dust had settled over much of the furniture. He continued down a hallway until he reached his bedroom, where he unfastened yet another lock to gain entry. He guided Lennox inside, finally taking a moment to study her expression.
"I grew up here," he told her, crossing the rather spacious bedroom to open a window that provided a view of the setting sun. As light entered the room, it revealed an absolute mess that was expected of a teenage boy's bedroom, multiplied by a drug habit and a recent depressive episode. He didn't seem embarrassed about it, or bother to hide the concoctions of drugs that littered a table in one corner of the room. He had yet to inform Lennox of the details about who his mother was or the drug dynasty he sat upon, but he would only tell if she asked. "Make yourself at home," he encouraged her, slumping into an arm chair that faced the window, but not taking his eyes off of her.
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Post by starrea on Aug 6, 2020 5:02:03 GMT
The kiss took Lennox by surprise, but her she immediately melted into it. Her eyes fluttered closed, her hands reaching up to wrap gently around his neck and pull him in closer to her. In that moment, time stopped and everything that wasn't her and Xander ceased to exist; it was just them and their blossoming feelings for one another and all that mattered was the way his mouth moved against hers. It was in that moment that Lennox accepted that she would never stand a chance against him; he completed her in a way that she hadn't felt in a very long time and in that moment, her happiness was infinite. It was such a stark difference to how her life usually went that it only further reinforced the fact that he her savior, a prophet of the Universe, and he required her complete devotion. He wouldn't even have to ask, though, because after that kiss, she was all too willing to follow him where ever he may lead her.
Xander finally pulled away, leaving Lennox starstruck and dazed. She hadn't missed the way he had looked at her before he kissed her, as if she gave him strength, and it made her nearly dizzy with pride. As much as she was trying to push Stark out of her mind, she couldn't help but notice that he had never looked at her like that before. If he ever drew his strength from her, he kept it a secret, but it felt refreshing and validating to know that even in this moment, she was giving something to Xander.
It wasn't until Xander had her on her feet and walking towards the bunker door that she finally processed what he said and it genuinely took her by surprise. Lennox had been homeless for the majority of her life, long enough that the idea of going to someone else's home was uncomfortably foreign to her. When she had been little and before her sister disappeared, Lennox remembered that they sometimes lived in different houses, but then her sister disappeared and her mother descended into madness and they mostly camped outside after that. It wasn't just that Lennox had been accustomed to living out in the wilderness, she enjoyed it. The bunker was already civilized enough to make Lennox feel out of her element and Xander had already been too generous to her.
"You don't have to," Lennox protested but she doubted Xander even heard her, or if he did, he didn't respond. She didn't resist much though, not until they got to the doorway. The bunker was safe from the spirits but that was not true of the hallways and Lennox felt the familiar anxiety return, making her stomach flip. She didn't have a choice, though - this was the only way out. Sooner or later, she was going to have to take the risk.
"Peace in thy hands, peace in thine eyes, peace on thy brow; flower of a moment in the eternal hour, peace with me now," Lennox chanted the familiar prayer of peace as Xander opened the door, reminding herself that the Universe had guided her down her and would deliver her back unharmed to the surface. He didn't wait for her to collect her nerves, perhaps because he knew she never would, and just pulled her forward into the darkness. The trek through the tunnels was silent and even though it was pitch black and her body was begging her to go slow, she hurried with blind trust that Xander wouldn't let her trip and fall. She held her breath for as long as she could and only relented when her lungs burned beyond tolerance, only to gasp in another breath and hold it. Only when they were finally on solid land above the tombs did she allow herself to breathe easy again.
The rest of the walk was just as quiet and it left Lennox to fester on how she would react to being brought to his house. She felt like a burden, especially now that she was going to be heavily reliant on Xander indeterminately. She wasn't worthy of being invited into his home. She definitely still looked homeless, with dirty clothes and dirty skin and dirty hair and it felt wrong to bring all that dirtiness into someone else's home.
By the time they got to the house, she still hadn't worked up a way to communicate her discomfort with Xander and was left standing awkwardly behind him as he fiddled with the door. The sight of the house had taken her by surprise; not only was it a house, but it was massive mansion. When she was little, her older sister talked about living in a house like this and she would spend hours describing each and every room to Lennox but the thought of living in luxury like this hadn't crossed Lennox's mind since then. She hesitated when he finally opened the door. She felt so out of place in a house so grand, but one look at Xander had her feet moving through the thresh hold and down the hallway.
Xander's room was just as massive and impressive as the rest of the house. She couldn't believe that he had all this stuff. Lennox had never had much. Having a lot of stuff wasn't cohesive with being homeless and she had hardly any personal possessions that she treasured and kept over the years. Most of her stuff was solely for survival and with all of her moving around and trading, it rarely lasted more than a couple of months in her possession. She had always known that most people lived with more than she had, but it was utterly mind-blowing to see just how much stuff he had.
Lennox slowly studied the room, curiously taking in every little detail until her eyes landed on the table of drugs in the corner. She flicked her gaze back to Xander, but he hardly seemed ashamed for the obvious habit he had. Lennox immediately took a step back, feeling a strong crack in the foundation of her devotion towards Xander. She had spent years watching what drugs did to people and she was strictly against them and Xander wouldn't be exempt from her moral guidelines. Perhaps it was another sign from the Universe - one telling her that she needed him, but she needed to keep a distance. Drugs never led to anything good and she wouldn't surround herself with them.
Lennox turned her attention back to Xander. He had already made himself comfortable in a chair by the window, but she still remained rooted in the doorway, ready to flee. "You do drugs," She pointed out blatantly, trying to hide the emotional turmoil of deciding what to do. The signs were so confusing - how was he both her savior, yet someone to keep away from? It made no sense and Lennox wasn't sure what to do, but she was scared that making the wrong choice would result in her death.
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Post by Val on Aug 8, 2020 22:22:25 GMT
Xander blinked at her as he came to the realization that she was definitely not okay with his lifestyle. Somehow, he'd never anticipated that it would become an obstacle between them. As someone who was not accustomed to caring what people thought of him, he was suddenly floundering with how to approach the topic. He wasn't defensive; rather, he saw nothing wrong with his drug habits. He avoided the worst stuff and learned how to maintain a careful balance in order to remain high functioning. Though his mother had often expressed disapproval, there was really nothing she could do to curb his dependency. It was her trade, after all, and Xander was completely desensitized to the seedy underworld in which they were a part of.
"Yes," he answered, seeing no way out of telling her the truth. He frowned, not liking the way she was looking at him- judgmental and ready to flee. This revelation couldn't possibly drive her away so soon, not after what they'd shared. Becoming anxious that she'd run, he sat forward, struggling to remain seated at the thought of her taking off.
"Lennox, please hear me out before you jump to conclusions," he urged her, though he wasn't sure the conclusions would make her feel any better. This house, his wealth, the bunker, the valuables that littered his bedroom- they were all a direct product of his criminal involvement. While the average citizens of Raevaryn and Nethilor revered their kings and queens, it was Sahara who was venerated within their underground community. It was something he couldn't separate himself from; it was his duty to carry on the empire.
"I mostly sell to others," he paused, unsure if that would make her feel any better, "It's the family business," he added with heavy emphasis, wondering exactly how much detail she could handle at the present moment. There were a lot of details, but Lennox didn't need to know everything. Not now, and perhaps not ever.
Despite his desire to remain calm, he could feel himself growing frustrated over the fact that he had to explain himself. Nothing she could say would make him drop his entire life for some moral obligation. She was going to have to accept it one way or another, because leaving didn't seem like a viable option anymore, "I've been high around you already. You couldn't even tell," he pointed out as an attempt to rationalize his usage. Instead, the words sounded borderline accusatory and he winced. Gods, he had no idea how to reassure her.
Reaching into his jacket, he produce a flask and placed it on the table beside him before looking back at her. He didn't have to say anything- it was obvious he'd been carrying his vice with him the entire time he'd known her. The point was- he was willing to be honest. A long stretch of silence passed between them and he finally glanced toward the armchair across from him, "Sit. Please," he added, his brown eyes round and imploring. If she left, he didn't know what he'd do, but it wouldn't be pretty.
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Post by starrea on Aug 9, 2020 0:36:02 GMT
The more agitated Xander got, the stronger the desire to flee got. His face didn't hide any of his thoughts and she could how much he was struggling between not caring but also caring enough that he didn't want her to leave. Lennox relished in that tiny bit of power she held over him, even if for a moment; he wanted her to stay. She remained in the doorway, unwilling to enter the room but still too hesitant to leave. It was clear what happened to her when he wasn't around, but Lennox simply refused to compromise her morals. Instead of following that train of thought down the rabbit hole that would inevitably lead to panic, Lennox latched onto Xander's unreasonable irritation and matched it, crossing her arms and giving him a look that could have sent him up in flames.
Lennox was about to open her mouth to argue, but graciously gave Xander the opportunity to explain himself first. His explanations didn't help his case, mostly because she didn't care what the family business was - she cared about Xander. At first, her irritation with him was just that - irritation, but then Xander admitted to being high around her and Lennox's anger increased tenfold.
"How dare you! I'm relying on you, and you're high?" Lennox screeched, "I don't know why the hell I stop being so damn sick when I'm with you, but what if the drugs are infecting me? Did you think of that?" Somewhere in the back of Lennox's mind, she knew that Xander hadn't known about her condition for all that long, but she didn't care. She was still going to hold him accountable for his irresponsible choices. Lennox fell silent as she stared accusingly at Xander, but the air was charged enough that one carelessly lit match had the potential to send the whole house up in flames.
Lennox let a few long, uncomfortable seconds pass before she finally gave in and stalked over to the chair across from Xander and threw herself in it. She looked out the window moodily, not really wanting to look at him now that he knew that she wasn't going to leave. It was frustrating, but until something changed, Xander was the only cure she had. "You shouldn't poison yourself with that stuff," Lennox muttered after another long stretch of silence, still refusing to look at him. He wouldn't change, not for her, not for anything, because people who did drugs always chose drugs over everything - and everyone - else.
"I should probably go home soon," Lennox added, only because she knew that Xander knew that she didn't have a home but would still rather be somewhere other than here. It was petty and passive aggressive and Lennox knew that she wouldn't leave, not until he kicked her out, but she wanted the words to sting. In the end, Lennox knew she wouldn't have much influence. Xander was the one with all of the power between them and if didn't want to listen to her, there wouldn't be a damn thing Lennox could do about it.
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Post by Val on Aug 10, 2020 17:57:09 GMT
Xander's eyes widened as she began screaming at him, looking absolutely bewildered by the change in mood. Even though their relationship began with fighting and screaming and hitting, it was different now that there was a romantic aspect between them. He wanted her to be his girlfriend, but he was entirely inexperienced and wasn't exactly sure what that entailed. His mother had always grilled it into him to be respectful to women, but he had done a shit poor job of that so far in his life. Already, Lennox was proving to challenge him more than he'd anticipated and he felt resistant to changing his ways, even for her.
Instead of yelling back, Xander sunk into the chair and pouted at her as an uncomfortable stretch of silence passed between them. Despite the absurdity of her claims, he did feel guilty. He didn't like seeing Lennox upset, and he surely didn't want to contribute to her pain. However, her logic was clearly flawed. If his drug use had been affecting her at all, then it did nothing but help her. He decided not to voice this claim as she finally crossed the room to sit, allowing him to exhale a sigh of relief.
Xander's eyes rolled involuntarily at her remark and he followed her gaze out the window, giving her something akin to the silent treatment. Arguing about the subject only served to dig his grave deeper, so it seemed best to let it settle for now. After all, it was getting very late and it was time they got some sleep. He was about to suggest this very thing when Lennox very clearly baited him.
"Go home?" he repeated in disbelief. He glared across at her, knowing she had to be bluffing, but still distraught over the possibility of her leaving. Her comment left him feeling absolutely inadequate and unable to please her. What did it say about him that she would rather go slum it in the streets than spend the night with him in his comfortable bedroom?
"You don't need to go anywhere. I brought you here to get some rest," he paused, purposely avoiding reiterating what they both knew- that she had no where else to go, "I want you to stay," he insisted, putting aside their disagreement for the time being. It was sure to be a massive conflict between them; one that couldn't be solved in a single night. He glanced toward the large bed, piled high with pillows and soft blankets, "You can take the bed," he offered, willing to give her space unless she invited him to join her. The idea of sharing a bed with her, even innocently, made him a bit nervous anyway.
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Post by starrea on Aug 10, 2020 20:08:51 GMT
There were a lot of reasons why Lennox didn't want to spend the night, and her argument with Xander served as the perfect excuse. She already knew that she wasn't going to leave; she couldn't, not after that kiss, and not after discovering how Xander was her cure. As much as she detested drugs, she hated throwing up more. But the real reason she didn't want to spend the night was because of how embarrassingly unaccustomed to luxuries she was. Even though she had spent the better part of her life dreaming about one day sleeping on a bed like Xander's, now that the opportunity had presented itself, she felt unworthy. It was obvious she didn't belong in a place like Xander's house; she was dirty, with long, thick, untamed hair and worn clothes full of holes. She didn't even deserve to touch the sheets.
When Xander didn't argue back, Lennox relaxed a little. She was still irritated - irritated at Xander for brushing past the issue, irritated at the Universe for sending such confusing signs, irritated at this damn house for being too damn nice, and irritated at herself for not being strong enough to leave. But soon, her irritation melted away too when Xander admitted he wanted her to stay and she finally looked at him. She followed his gaze to the bed and back to him before slowly shaking her head, "No, I can't take your bed," She said, pulling her feet up to curl up in the chair she was seated in. There wasn't much room, but it was one of the more comfortable things Lennox had slept on throughout the course of her life. "I can sleep in this chair," She offered instead, looking back at him.
Now that Xander had mentioned sleeping, Lennox realized how tired she was. The feelings of inadequacy and depression that had drove her to question her will to live surged back up and she felt guilty for yelling at Xander.
"I'm sorry," Lennox whispered, looking down. His house was only another reminder about how inadequate she would always be and she was suddenly self-conscious. Xander had to see how out of place she was in his house, he had to know that she didn't belong. What would he do when he found someone who fit in better than she did?
Lennox was powerless to stop the spiraling of her emotions. She turned to stare out the window so Xander couldn't see her slowly fracture beneath the pressure of trying to be what Xander wanted her to be while also being herself. The sky was inky black and even the moon was hidden away behind a layer of clouds. She closed her eyes for a moment, reaching out in prayer to the Universe for a sign, something to guide her towards the right choice. When she opened her eyes though, nothing had changed.
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Post by Val on Aug 11, 2020 0:59:34 GMT
Xander couldn't even begin to understand why Lennox was so uncomfortable in his home. He tried to think back and blame it on something he did or said, but he came up blank as to what had changed during the trek here. It had to be about the drugs, but there was really nothing he could do to remedy the situation. It was a part of his life that he couldn't budge on- not even to reassure her, and not even if he wanted to.
As she considered the offer, Xander studied her closely and became distracted when he noticed the way her eyebrows drew together in thought. It was cute. However, when she simply turned down his offer, Xander did a bit of a double take, thinking he'd heard wrong while he was drooling over her. His mouth opened and closed several times as she curled up on the chair, but he didn't know what to say. For whatever reason, she didn't want to sleep in his bed. To him, it felt like downright rejection.
Her apology caught him even more off guard and he stared at her questioningly while she avoided his gaze. His confusion was infinite, but it wasn't really his place to force her to explain herself or sleep in his bed, for that matter. Instead, he kept his objections to himself. With a heavy sigh, Xander slouched into his seat and frowned at the ceiling, trying to decide what on the right thing to do. He glanced sideways to find Lennox curled up into a little ball, facing the window. She looked small, and vulnerable, and beautiful as the dull light of the moon made her silhouette visible. Whatever flaws Lennox might've saw in herself did not exist in Xander's mind.
Pushing himself out of the chair, he moved across the room to scoop up several blankets from the bed, resisting the urge to dive onto the mattress and pass out. Instead, he returned to the chairs by the window and tossed one of the blankets over Lennox's form before collapsing back into his own seat. He cocooned himself within one of the blankets and drew his legs up, mimicking her position- though his lanky legs made him look rather goofy.
"Goodnight, then. Bed's always open," he told her, closing his eyes as he prepared to sleep. A couple of seconds passed and he popped one eye open to sneak a last glance at her before rolling in the opposite direction and making an effort to go to sleep before the entire night got away from them.
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