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Post by starrea on Feb 16, 2020 15:15:44 GMT
Desmond watched her disappear into the thicket. He anxiously tapped his fingers against his side as he waited for her to return. Even though he told himself it was foolish, he couldn’t help but feel anxious when she out of his line of sight. Even back at the compound, she consumed his thoughts when they were apart. But out here, with no perimeter fence or other Paragon members, his anxiety was increased tenfold. Out here would be her opportunity to get away from him, if she wanted to. Which she didn’t, he reminded himself, because she was good and she wanted to stay with him.
Seconds ticked by impossibly slow and his irritation grew with each passing one. She should have been back by now, why wasn’t she back? He shouldn’t have let her go off on her own. He had broken his own rule when he had agreed to it. There was no such thing as privacy between them, he should have made her pee right there in front of him. It wouldn’t have been the first time.
Her scream broke through the silence and ripped through him as a wave of panic. He dropped their picnic basket and broke out into a run in the direction she had disappeared in, frantically looking for her. She had gone further than he had realized and with each passing second, his panic increased tenfold. But a moment later he saw her curled up on the ground and a wave of relief crashed over him. As much as it pained him to see her like this, he couldn’t help but bask in the fact that she hadn’t tried to leave him.
He dropped to ground beside her and pulled her his chest, wrapping his arms securely around her. “Shhh, I got you. It’s okay, I’m here. I’ll protect you.” He murmured in her ear, gently rubbing her back. He didn’t ask when had happened, not yet anyway. Once she had calmed down, she would tell him. But he already had an idea of what had happened and that was why he had packed an extra pill. But right now, all that mattered was that she needed him.
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Post by Val on Feb 17, 2020 0:33:56 GMT
Freya clung to Desmond and pressed her face into his chest, "I'm sorry...I'm sorry," she repeated the words until her breathing finally slowed down and her tears had dried. Slowly, she lifted her head to peer at the spot that the spirit had stood. It was empty. And yet, the image was ingrained in her memory.
She inhaled shakily, but didn't look up at Desmond. She feared that he would be angry with her, and he had every right to be. She had ignored his warning and allowed her abilities to guide her. Stupid, stupid, stupid. "I didn't want to, I had to. It made me," she blamed the entity for her deviant behavior, "It had to show me something. This spot. This is a bad place..." she whispered, gazing around the small clearing with wide eyes. Someone had been murdered here, and their soul refused to move on.
She reached for Desmond's hand and squeezed it thankfully, still unable to meet his gaze, "I'm sorry, Desmond," she repeated, "Please forgive me." Now that she had fulfilled her mission, all of her attention returned to her caretaker. She felt so guilty it made her sick. She felt that she deserved punishment, and would genuinely do anything to make it up to him.
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Post by starrea on Feb 17, 2020 1:53:09 GMT
Desmond cradled her into his chest until her tears dried, marveling at how small and fragile she was. He let apologize over and over again, only responding with comforting words and soothingly running his fingers through her hair. When she finally calmed down, he allowed her a fraction of space but he still kept her nestled in his arms.
He made a disapproving ‘tsk’ sound, but his face was soft when he looked down at her. “This is why I tell you to push them away, to resist them. They want to torment you... this is why I protect you.” He paused, his fingers idly tracing patterns on her shoulder, “You can tell me, next tine. I can help you. I’ll face it with you. I’m always going to be here for you, I’m always going to protect you.” He looked her dead in the eyes - he wanted her to see that he was serious.
While Desmond calmed Freya, he couldn’t help but notice that these occurrences were happening more frequently. At first, the tranquilizers has done an excellency job at keeping the spirits away but now that she had been on them for some time, they seemed to be less effective. Maybe it was time to have another meeting to discuss other ways to help repress her abilities. But opening that door was also potentially dangerous because he had seen some of the ways that the group had controlled other dangerous people - ways he wouldn’t allow them to use on Freya.
He finally pulled away as the situation seemed to calm down. He stood up and offered his hand for Freya to take and helped her to her feet. He intertwined their fingers again and started their way back to the trail where he had left the picnic basket. “I packed an extra pill, but I don’t think you should take it if we continue the hike. I don’t want you to accidentally hurt yourself on the rocks. Or,” he paused, “we can keep going. If you think you’ll be alright and you’ll be good. Tonight included.”
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Post by Val on Feb 17, 2020 4:39:40 GMT
Freya let his vow of protection play over and over in her mind, letting it soothe her. She hurried to her feet and held his hand tightly as he led the way, eager to please and make up for her stupidity. She cast one last look over her shoulder, scanning the scene that haunted her nightmares before it disappeared behind the trees. Despite Desmond always urging her to let him help face the demons, she wasn't sure that was a good idea.
"I can keep going. I don't need the pill, I promise to be good," she insisted as they walked. This time, she felt that she could focus on their trip wholeheartedly. She owed it to Desmond to complete the journey drama free. When they reached the picnic basket, her eyes were on Desmond, as though she was still seeking approval even though he'd already given it to her, "I'll be good tonight, too. No matter what." Those were brave words coming from her, but after facing the horror show from moments ago, she was feeling an unusual amount of courage.
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Post by starrea on Feb 17, 2020 14:55:18 GMT
Desmond felt how much she wanted to please him and it relaxed him. He knew that wanted to try and be good and as long as she tried, it was always good enough for him. Even though she wanted to continue, he still hesitated. Being her caretaker sometimes meant making tough decisions that she didn’t like. What was best for Freya and the greater good didn’t always align with what Freya wanted in the moment. But he knew what was coming tonight and he knew it would be hard for her so he eventually relented. He wanted her to have a good day before her test later tonight.
“Okay, but if anything else happens, we’re heading back.” And with that, he started walking, tugging her along. After what just happened, he was even more reluctant to let go of her hand. It was clear how much she needed him and so he kept their fingers intertwined until they reached the rocky portion of the trail that involved some climbing.
He hesitantly let go of her hand as he surveyed the trail, “Okay, be real careful. Go slow, I don’t want you to hurt yourself. The waterfall is right ahead after these rocks.” He gave her one last look before he hooked the picnic basket through his arm and hoisted himself up. Desmond was in decent shape and made quick work of navigating the rocky climb but he tried to force himself to slow down and kept looking over his shoulder to make sure Freya was keeping up. Once he got to the top, he squatted down and stretched his arm down to her, ready to pull her the last little bit.
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Post by Val on Feb 19, 2020 23:26:28 GMT
Freya followed him closely, forcing herself to remain focused despite her thoughts constantly wanting to drift to other things. When they reached the rocky trail, she nodded at him and took a deep breath before she started the climb. She hadn't gotten very far before the exertion began to take a toll on her, but the sound of the waterfall up ahead spurred her on. The lingering effects of the drugs, combined with lack of food and sleep made her head spin and nausea to churn in her stomach. She winced each time her bony limbs hit the rough surface of the rocks, and took a few small breaks along the way before she finally reached Desmond's outstretched hand. Gripping his arm with both of hers, she allowed him to do most of the work in hoisting her up the last stretch.
Finally, she reached the top of the ridge and remained on her knees, panting softly as her wide eyes took in the sight of the waterfall. Gorgeous white water spilled over a cliff of jagged rocks into a crystal clear pool below. The constant sound of the water lulled her as she caught her breath and slowly stood up beside Desmond, "Thank you," she told him, reaching for his hand again as she waited for him to lead the way to their picnic spot.
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Post by starrea on Feb 20, 2020 1:10:18 GMT
Desmond pulled Freya up as if she weighed nothing. Watching her climb only served as a reminder that he needed to encourage her to eat more - maybe he would incorporate another meal into her day. He hadn’t ever been any good at cooking but he was starting to consider devoting some time to try and cook her something nice every once in awhile.
His train of thought broke as she got to her feet and they both admired the waterfall. That moment just felt right - her hand in his, the beautiful waterfall... it felt perfect. Had it been warmer, Desmond would have suggested a swim in the pool below, but even though it was sunny the air still had a bite to it. He let Freya admire the scenery and he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before he pulled away to set up the picnic. He laid the blanket down and starting setting out the assortment of dried fruits and nuts he had brought, and then lastly pulled out the fresh peach. It was rare to have fresh fruit at the compound, so Desmond hoped that Freya would be excited by the treat.
The area they had hiked to was breathtaking, even for someone who wasn’t usually moved by nature. Something about the sound of the waterfall or the fresh air had a way of making seem like it was going to be okay. He could definitely see why it had left a lasting impression on Freya and he let her enjoy her moment in silence. Sometimes, in places like this one, there was nothing to say. You just had to appreciate what was there.
“Come eat,” He finally coaxed, breaking the trance the landscape seemed to have on the both of them. He hadn’t touched the food nor did he plan to - it was all for Freya. He glanced up at the sun the sky, the threat of Freya’s test looming over him, but based on where the sun was they still a few hours.
Desmond has just been given a vague idea of what the test was going to be, but he was also mostly in the dark. He tried to remain impassive about it, he didn’t want to stress her out, but it was just as important for him that she performed well as it was for herself.
“Freya, you would always listen to me, right? You know when I tell you to do things, it’s for your own good?” He asked, his eyes following her. Desmond needed her to be more than good tonight if they were ever going to be allowed to move off of the compound. She needed to be perfect.
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Post by Val on Feb 21, 2020 1:49:45 GMT
Freya had been staring down into the churning pool of water, lost in thought until his voice finally reeled her back to reality. She turned and admired the spread of food, a tiny hint of a smile touching her lips as she went to join him. She sat cross-legged on the blanket across from him and mulled over the food indecisively, her eyes lingering on the peach. Her mouth watered and she wondered how he'd obtained it, but also hesitated to take it right away. Instead, her eyes flickered between him and the fruit, seeking permission.
"Of course," she agreed, her eyes studying his face as she wondered where he was going with such questioning. Thinking he was upset about her wandering off and doubting her obedience, she frowned and wrung her hands together, "I try to be good, I do. What do you need me to do?" she pried, seeking to please him no matter what he had in mind. She would endure the test tonight, just as she had every other night. And yet, she sensed something off about Desmond, as though he was more worried than usual.
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Post by starrea on Feb 21, 2020 17:13:50 GMT
While Freya was busy admiring the scenery, Desmond just admired her. She was so different than when he had first met her. She had been just a shadow of who she was today, but under his careful guidance and care, she had blossomed into an extraordinary woman. He returned the smile when she sat across from him and watched her hungrily eye the peach. He reached over and rolled it in her direction, “Take it. Eat until you’re full, okay?” The way he said it left no room for argument. She would eat until she was full, and then Desmond would probably have her eat some more.
He leaned back on his hands and watched her for another moment, thoughts churning in his mind. “I know, and you are very good,” He soothed, “but tonight is going to be hard. And I need you to listen to everything I tell you to do because I’m the one who protects you. I’m the one who takes care of you.” Desmond knew she knew all of that, but he was worried that tonight would set her back. He needed her faith in him to be absolute.
Desmond knew that his treatment of Freya roused questions and concerns among other members of the Paragon. His success with Freya was the only reason that despite disagreeing with his methods, they allowed him to continue. He knew he wasn’t even supposed to talk about the test with Freya beforehand, but there had to be give-and-take in every relationship.
“If you do good on the test, I’ll grant you one wish. What do you want? Something reasonable, of course.” He asked after a moment. The idea of offering an incentive for good behavior was definitely something that was not permitted but it could remain their secret. Anyway, he had never let her pick her own reward and he was genuinely curious as to what she would ask for.
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Post by Val on Feb 21, 2020 22:45:22 GMT
Freya picked up the peach as it rolled towards her and admired it for a moment before sinking her teeth into the juicy flesh. She listened to him as she chewed, accepting the words of protection he repeated so often as though it were ritual. Despite the test being brought up again, she seemed distracted enough by the delicious fruit to let it bother her, and listened patiently.
Surprised flickered in her eyes at his proposal. She stopped eating and studied him, not sure how respond to such a question. What did she want? It wasn't something she thought about often, and making decisions wasn't exactly a strength of hers. Her goal was usually just to get through the day, and please Desmond if at all possible. Her mind blanked, as if rejecting the idea of doing something for herself.
She looked down at the half eaten peach for a long moment and then shifted toward him, scooting until she was sitting at his side. She offered the fruit, wanting him to take a bite and enjoy it with her, "I want you to be happy," she told him, as though unable to think of one single selfish request. "Do I hold you back?" she asked suddenly, worry flooding her features. She often wondered if her presence prevented Desmond from living his own life.
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Post by starrea on Feb 22, 2020 23:38:11 GMT
Desmond immersed himself in watching the emotions flicker across Freya’s face. Even if he hadn’t been so in tune with her, it still wasn’t hard to read what she was thinking. It was something about her that he treasured. He watched her scoot closer to him with a lopsided grin, appreciating how relaxed both of them could be out here. There was no one watching over his shoulder and with Freya’s company, all tension just melted right out of him.
He hesitated but took the peach, taking a small bite before pushing it back into her hands. He couldn’t help but savor the taste, but he wasn’t the one who needed to put on weight. “That’s a cop-out,” He joked, “You already make me happy. But seriously, have to want something. Think. This offer expires after tonight.”
His smile faded at her next question, “You do not hold me back.” He said sternly, eyes locked into hers to show he wasn’t lying. “Being apart of this organization gave me direction, but being assigned to care for you... that gave me purpose. Anyways, just by being apart of this organization, we are contributing to something much greater than ourselves. We’re preserving humanity.”
Since Freya was potentially dangerous, information, especially regarding Paragon, was rarely offered. Besides the usual propaganda, Desmond wasn’t sure what else Freya knew about the shadow organization. But it didn’t matter what she knew because if she was blindly loyal to him, then she was loyal to the organization.
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Post by Val on Feb 27, 2020 0:02:26 GMT
Freya continued to nibble on the peach, taking in his reassuring words only to find that they felt oddly hollow. Preserving humanity. Her gaze had drifted toward the waterfall by now as she recalled the vengeful spirit in the forest. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't ignore the entity. It was trying to tell her something, she just wasn't listening hard enough. She wasn't supposed to listen.
Finishing the peach, she wiped the juice from her chin and hugged her knees to her chest. Her head ached with the constant dissension between her mind and her heart. She'd never had the courage to follow her heart, not when her whole life had been consumed by people controlling her every move. Desmond was asking what she wanted, but she couldn't imagine being allowed to have anything she truly wanted- things that any young woman could want. But she was no ordinary person, and she'd accepted that long ago.
"Will you help me find out what they want? The spirit who won't leave me alone?" she asked quietly, doubt plaguing her tone as she slowly peered back up at him, "It can be our own...test," she suggested, laying her request on the line.
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Post by starrea on Feb 27, 2020 16:13:33 GMT
Desmond watched Freya accept his words, not missing the way they didn’t resonate with her the same way they resonated with him. He tried to tell himself that didn’t matter, that she was loyal to him, but he couldn’t shake the worry. He focused his attention back on Freya and watched her as she lost herself in her head trying to think of something.
Her request shocked him, which was a rarity in itself. Their relationship revolved around him knowing everything there was to know about Freya and that left little room for surprises. He stopped himself before he outright refused her request, feeling slightly conflicted because he had asked what she wanted and he had agreed to try to fulfill it. At the same time, Freya knew that she wasn’t supposed to engage with the dead. Engaging with them was like opening Pandora’s box, and if she had that kind of power, then she would be a real risk. The kind of risk that Paragon would take out before gambling on her good behavior. If it was the spirit she had encountered earlier today, then it Desmond was nearly certain that she had been a necessary causality of the Paragon and that was not someone he wanted whispering in Freya’s ear. He didn’t doubt her loyalty now, but he knew that could all change if Freya started listening to what the spirits were trying to say.
There were so many reasons for Desmond to say no but he couldn’t force the words out. He had definitely gotten softer with her over the years and he truly felt bad about denying her this request, especially when she never asked for anything. There was a small chance that this could work in his favor, maybe the experience would scare her. She would realize that all of this was for her own protection. It was unlikely, but it still caused him to sway.
“I’m not saying yes.” He finally said after a couple minutes of quiet consideration. “It will all depend on your performance tonight. If you do good on the test, I’ll seriously consider it. But there needs to be ground rules. No matter what the spirits tell you, you must only listen. You cannot do anything they might try tell you to do. And you need to listen to me. They might try to lie and manipulate you, but you need to remember that I’m the only one you can trust.” The thought of actually doing this was stressing him out and he felt the tension building back up in his muscles. “And you can’t mention this to anyone. There will another member of the group there tonight, don’t even tell her about coming up here today. And you can’t mention this... test. Or we definitely won’t do it.”
If Freya let it slip that he was even considering this, not participating in their experiment would be the least of her worries. He knew that his punishment would be swift and severe but all he was worried about was Freya. If they knew that she was trying to engage in her abilities, they would seriously consider executing her for the greater good. And while Desmond had been trained to believe in that mission, he couldn’t bear the thought of them killing Freya, even if it was for the greater good.
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Post by Val on Feb 28, 2020 22:47:40 GMT
Freya waited patiently for him to consider the request, sensing his shock. It was rare that she managed to shock him, and part of her liked the feeling. It was a change from the mundane routine that was her life. Still, she doubted he would grant her wish and anticipated swift rejection. She gazed at the ground, letting the hope slowly drain from her, until his voice stirred her back to attention.
Her eyes lit up as they reconnected with his. It wasn't a yes, but the fact that he was considering it meant so much to her. "I won't tell anyone," she promised quickly. She shifted and threw her arms around his shoulders in a tight hug, "You know you're the only one I trust," she murmured in his ear. She slowly pulled away, but held his face in her hands, studying his features, "I know how much you do for me. Thank you," she added genuinely.
She was beaming with gratitude, but beneath it, she shared his worries, "I understand if we can't do it. I don't want you to get in trouble," she paused, biting her lip, "I just...don't know how long I can ignore it. I want it to go away. I have to try something."
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Post by starrea on Feb 29, 2020 16:57:02 GMT
Even Freya’s appreciation wasn’t enough to distract him from the regret he already felt. The longer he thought about it, the worse the idea sounded. All the spirits around here were probably necessary causalities and while he hadn’t personally killed anyone for the mission, he was sure that the spirits weren’t going to whisper words of praise about Paragon or himself into Freya’s ear. And that was one of the best case scenarios - if Freya got a taste for her abilities, she could try to leave and the only way that situation would end would be in blood.
He felt like an ass for even giving her the hope that he would allow this. But he couldn’t say no now, not when she had smiled at him like that. He reminded himself that he would only consider it based on her performance tonight. These tests were not meant to be easy and while he had no doubt that she would pass, he would require perfection to even consider her request. With any luck, he wouldn’t have to be the bad guy - she would underperform and that would be that.
He picked up a container of nuts and dried fruit and pushed it in her hands before starting to wordlessly pack up the rest of their stuff. They theoretically had a little more time to waste if they wanted to, but Desmond was itching to get back. Her request had put him on edge and now the afternoon was ruined. He stood up, gathering up the last of their things.
“Come on, we have to get back. I expect they’ll be waiting for us. Eat as you walk.” He felt a little bad for the sudden shift in mood, but not bad enough to do anything about it.
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