|
|
Post by starrea on Mar 10, 2020 19:09:06 GMT
Lennox’s eyes were drawn to the small light illuminating Xander’s face, relieved that he hadn’t abandoned her. That momentarily flicker of relief was only like a band-aid covering a stab wound and her panic started bleed out around it. She suddenly felt dizzy, even though the only things she could see were Xander’s dimly lit face and the hole in the ceiling, and she had to put a hand on the wall to steady herself.
“I didn’t know we were coming here. I’m not protected.” Getting words out was proving to more difficult as she fought to suck air into her lungs. The Universe was already punishing her for some unknown offense and then had been merciful enough to offer her a cure after she had re-dedicated herself to her beliefs. It operated in mysterious, divine ways and Lennox wasn’t sure she would survive another transgression. If the fear of death wasn’t enough, the thought of not knowing what came after sent her panic spiraling.
She shook her head adamantly, she wasn’t going to go forward. Not without some sort of sign from the Universe that this was okay, which it wasn’t. “You don’t understand. I’m going to die. I’m already sick because I wasn’t good enough and if I do this, I’ll die and you can’t make me. I won’t do it.” Her hysteria slowly turned hostile over the course of her panicked rant and braced herself as if she thought Xander was going to drag her down the tunnels by force.
|
|
|
|
Post by Val on Mar 10, 2020 21:24:01 GMT
By the time her rant ended, Xander's second match had fizzled out and plunged them back into darkness. He impatiently struck up another one and took a step toward her as she retreated to the wall, "Look at me," he insisted, not that she had anything else to look at other than his illuminated face, "I will protect you," he vowed. As the words left him, he realized just how serious he was. His mother had taken him in as an orphaned baby and protected him his whole life, asking for nothing in return. He hadn't been there for her when she needed him most, but he could redeem himself by taking in all the forgotten and vulnerable people in her honor.
"You are good enough. Anyone who's ever told you otherwise is wrong. You won't die here, or anytime soon, because you deserve to live." By now, the match should have died out like the others, but the flame lingered, as though it didn't want to break their eyes contact as Xander waited adamantly for his words to break through to her. He wouldn't rush her, he wouldn't force her, but he would wait until she accepted his version of reality- until she trusted him.
|
|
|
|
Post by starrea on Mar 10, 2020 22:14:21 GMT
Everything felt too intense and she felt herself starting to crack. There wasn’t even anything around her that could distract her. There was only darkness and Xander’s illuminated face who was asking her to do something she didn’t know if she could do. But there was nothing else, no other options. Only Xander.
Xander wasn’t the first who promised to protect Lennox, but hearing him promise her that only made her tense. She pressed herself further against the wall and let the cold rocks cool her down and took a breath before she looked at him. He didn’t look like he was lying but in the moment, people usually aren’t lying about something like that. She had stopped expecting people to follow through on their promises long ago.
Now that she solely focused her attention on him, she found it hard to look away. She captured every detail of his face, every curvature, every line, every freckle. The words she had wanted to hear from someone for so long wrapped around like a warm blanket and she wanted to give in, but she still hesitated. It wasn’t until she noticed the match wasn’t burning down like the other ones, the same match that was lighting up Xander’s face. It had to be a sign. There was no other explanation. She immediately felt foolish for questioning the Universe’s signs, after having been given one that already strongly pushed her to Xander. It was clear to her now that she was meant to follow Xander to where ever he may lead her.
Just because the Universe wanted her follow him did not mean she believed him. She had fallen too many times to make that mistake again. She took a shaky breath, nervously staring into the abyss of darkness behind him. The idea of walking through the resting place of hundreds of dead people and their restless spirits made her queasy with fear, even if the Universe wanted her to do it.
“Okay,” She said shakily, meeting Xander’s gaze again. “Don’t leave me behind.” She pushed herself off the wall and closed the space between them, close enough she could feel the heat from the match and looked up at him. He was her light and she was going to have to trust that he wouldn’t let her be consumed by the darkness.
|
|
|
|
Post by Val on Mar 11, 2020 0:13:46 GMT
Xander waited with more patience than he had ever waited for something. Becoming responsible for people was forcing him to grow up, and it felt good to shed the childish behaviors he once relied on. He could see the look slowly building in her eyes and his anticipation grew right along with it, ready for her inevitable acceptance. Once he had her, he didn't intend on letting her go.
When she finally spoke, he released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and nodded once. He maintained the intense eye contact as she stepped closer, momentarily mesmerized by the glowing of the flame in her now trusting eyes. He felt strange feeling stir within him, similar to what he'd felt when she'd embraced him earlier, but the match suddenly sputtered and died, effectively diverting his attention.
"I won't leave you," he assured her in the now pitch black darkness, "Hold onto my coat," he urged, turning, but remaining still until he was sure she was ready to follow. Slowly, he started down the familiar passageway.
|
|
|
|
Post by starrea on Mar 11, 2020 4:15:33 GMT
The match went out and blackness swallowed up Xander’s face. Lennox blindly reaches out for him and wrapped her fingers in his shirt, careful to avoid touching his skin. The moment they had just shared was the first right thing she had felt in a long time and she didn’t want to ruin that by sending herself headfirst into another episode.
She only let go of his shirt so that he could turn and then immediately grabbed the back of his shirt. She appreciated that Xander moved slowly because the all-consuming blackness was disorienting. She kept her free hand on the wall beside them and walked as closely behind Xander as she could get, putting all her faith in him to guide her.
This wasn’t average darkness. This was complete and utter blackness. The kind where Lennox was scared to even breathe because she thought that if it slipped inside of her, she would drown in it. Also knowing that this was final resting place for many, the darkness had a certain heaviness to it. And the further Lennox walked into it, the harder she was finding it to keep calm.
“Do you believe that was a sign?” She asked, needing to break the silence. Anything to distract herself from where she was and the risk she was taking.
But she didn’t stop and she didn’t ask where they going. She just kept following Xander because he was her lifeline in the sea of darkness.
|
|
|
|
Post by Val on Mar 11, 2020 18:22:23 GMT
Xander walked slowly but confidently through the tunnel, brushing his fingertips along the walls ever to often to feel for the correct turns. He could feel the slight tug of Lennox's hand gripping his shirt, reassuring him that she was, in fact, still there despite the silence.
When she spoke, he frowned, glad she couldn't see his dubious expression in the darkness, "A sign?" he repeated, as though he didn't know what she was talking about. Of course, he did know. The match. He would admit that it was a strange occurrence, but strange things happened to him every day and he was unwilling to accept her way of allowing such things to rule her life. He wanted her to believe in him, not the 'signs' she claimed to see. As long as she was allowing the supposed universe control her decisions, he was liable to lose her trust. So, he decided, he would just have to become her universe.
"I think you can find signs anywhere if you look hard enough," he pointed out, "What happens if you don't you follow signs?" he wondered. Perhaps her universe had been working in his favor for the time being, but didn't like the idea of it suddenly turning her against him. He slowed his pace even further as the ground beneath their feet shifted into solid bricks. He inched forward until his fingers hit a dead end- a door. Digging into his pockets, he produced a key and fumbled to find the lock that kept the door secured.
|
|
|
|
Post by starrea on Mar 11, 2020 20:17:03 GMT
Lennox was used to people not understanding her beliefs, but that didn’t make them any less true. Truths were not of human construct and it didn’t matter who believed in them or not. They simply were true or not.
“Of course you can see signs in anything. That’s because there are signs everywhere. The world, the universe... it’s all alive. It’s not just an empty shell. It has energy and direction. Most people don’t know how to see the signs of the universe, or they don’t want to see them. But the universe always guides us in the direction we are meant to go whether or not you know it. I just know how to read the signs.” Once Lennox started talking, she became enthralled in explanation and an anxieties she was feeling were quickly forgotten. “It’s all about choices. You don’t have to go where the universe guides you, but that will incur a lot of negative energy onto you because you’re doing something you aren’t meant to do. So I’m trying to do exactly what I was meant to do, I’m trying to follow the universe’s signs.” The more she talked, the more excited she became. It was clear that she obviously believed every word she was saying and she so rarely had someone to listen.
Lennox hesitated at his next question, wavering a little, “Well, like I said, bad energy will surround you and then bad things happen. With me, I got sick. Really sick. And I don’t want to find out what’ll happen next, so I’m trying to read all the signs and do exactly as I’m meant to do.”
Lennox nearly ran into Xander’s back when he stopped and she heard him fiddle with something but she still couldn’t see a thing. Saying her purpose out loud helped reassure her and this time, she was comfortable as the silence settled between them.
|
|
|
|
Post by Val on Mar 12, 2020 20:29:36 GMT
Despite his skepticism, Xander listened to her without interrupting. It was the first time he'd heard her excited about something, which intrigued him, but he remained unconvinced. Sure, he believed in energy and karma to some extent, but relying on superstitions to make decisions for you seemed like a recipe for disaster. He liked the idea of being the ruler of his own universe, and a more sinister part of him wondered what would happen if he fabricated signs to guide her. Would she fall for them? It was tempting, but he squashed the idea for now. Things were playing out in his favor, after all.
Inserting the key into the rusty lock, he turned it and used a shoulder to shove the heavy door open. It creaked menacingly and finally gave way, opening up into yet another dark hallway. Except this time, there was a hint of light at the end of the tunnel. "My mother was a very smart woman. She always prepared for the worst," he spoke of her in past tense, despite the fact that he had yet to reveal her untimely demise, "She told me that if we ever needed a safe house, to come here."
Xander started forward again and the natural light began to grow until it was possible to see the many ancient doors that lined the hallway. If one were to look inside, they would find small sleeping quarters, stores of food and supplies, drugs and medicine, and- if you knew where to look- money. The distinct sound of crashing waves became audible and he glanced back at Lennox, able to see her eyes once more, "This place is virtually invisible. Hardly anyone knows it exists."
Suddenly, the narrow tunnel opened up into a huge cavern with rock walls that arched high above their heads. At the mouth of the cave, dark waves came barreling in from the ocean before crashing against the jagged rocks that guarded the entrance. Cliffs surrounded the opening, and even if one were to spot the cave, it was inaccessible by ships and attempting to swim would be a death sentence. Whoever had created this place long ago had no intentions of being found.
|
|
|
|
Post by starrea on Mar 12, 2020 21:58:58 GMT
Lennox hadn’t known what to expect what was on the other side of the door, but she had expected it be an exit. So when the creaky hinges opened up to reveal another dark, narrow tunnel, she was a little confused. Even though she had calmed down enough to venture into the catacombs behind Xander, it didn’t mean that she wanted to stay down here for longer than necessary. Burial grounds we’re sacred spaces and even if it was okay for her to be here, it felt wrong to use their space of enteral rest for other uses.
As soon as it was light enough for Lennox to see, she let go of Xander’s shirt and started to really look around. Her hands ran over the ancient doors the lines the hallway but she didn’t try to open them. She lagged behind but the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks echoed back through the caves and she found herself drawn to the call. She stood behind Xander and breathed in the ocean air, simply admiring the hidden cove they were in. It wasn’t beautiful in the traditional sense, but Lennox wasn’t one for traditional. As someone who frequented little hide-aways, she found herself noticing how safe it would be to sleep here. It was a quality that she hardly ever found in the places she slept.
After the initial awe had worn off, there was an underlying sense that something wasn’t quite right. Her brain slowly absorbed what he had said and she realized that not only could no one get in, but she couldn’t get out. She stepped away from Xander so that he wouldn’t see her face and mindlessly wandered around the cavern, inspecting the walls and following the edge of the cliff.
Lennox was older and wiser than she had been then. Mistakes had to happen for there to be improvement. And even though she had spent so much time forcing that memory down, she couldn’t help but draw comparisons of the bunker she had been in that night and this secret hide-out she was in now. She had been with a boy that night too, and he hadn’t meant to hurt her but he had and when he apologized she said it was okay even though it wasn’t. And then she wasted the next two years on him before he abandoned her.
“Why did you bring me here?” Lennox asked, making sure she kept her eyes focused on anything but Xander. She used to feel so in control of her own life but lately everything was falling to pieces and she didn’t know how to put her life back together.
She kicked a rock and watched it careen over the edge of the cliff and followed it all the way until it disappeared in the midst of the waves below. There was usually that innate fear people had of heights, that instinct that told them not to jump, but Lennox didn’t feel it at that moment. She cautiously held a foot out over the edge, trying to see if she would feel anything at all.
|
|
|
|
Post by Val on Mar 14, 2020 0:55:24 GMT
Xander turned in a slow circle to watch her as she explored the cavern. It seemed as though she was hiding herself from him, which only made him all the more curious to know what was going on in her mind. Now that he had finally brought Lennox into his life, he couldn't imagine letting her go. He needed friends...a family. Without people at his side, he felt as though he would fade into oblivion and become the forgotten orphan he'd always longed to forget.
When she stopped at the edge of the cliff, he slowly approached her. Instead of pulling her away from the precarious spot, he stopped at her side and mimicked her position, carefully extending a foot over the abyss. He closed his eyes and balanced there for a moment, deeply inhaling the salty air. He felt no fear. Instead, sadness welled in his chest as he imagined what his mother would say for doing something so stupid and reckless.
"Don't you ever get tired of feeling alone?" he asked, slowly lowering his foot back down to the edge of the cliff. He hung his head forward and stared into the angry waters, causing his thick hair to shroud his face in shadows, "No one can survive in this world without help. No one." He spoke with conviction, because he knew his words were true.
"I'm gathering friends. People that need a home. People that I can trust. Together, we can protect each other." He finally lifted his gaze, turning his head to look at her, "I believe we met for a reason, and I know that you do, too." A pause settled between them as he studied her eyes, seeking acceptance, "Do you trust me?"
|
|
|
|
Post by starrea on Mar 14, 2020 1:31:00 GMT
Whenever Lennox pictured herself falling, she could never picture how it inevitably ended. She was falling, falling, falling... and then nothing. The abyss just swallowed her up. But when pictured herself falling, she always imagined herself with this look of peacefulness before the darkness consumed her. She wondered if that’s how she would look if she jumped right now.
Lennox gave Xander the briefest of glances as he mirrored her movements, but she relaxed as he allowed her to explore her pain. She didn’t know what he was going through but it felt like they were connecting in that moment and she took comfort in that.
Lennox wavered for another moment before she took a step back from the edge of the cliff. It was hard not to indulge her morbid, toxic thoughts when she was so sick and so tired. She ran a hand through her hair and tried to rein in her wandering anxieties. Her stomach rumbled, reminding Lennox that she needed to find some food before she got sick again. Since her sickness started, she had been having trouble keeping food down and she had lost a fair bit of weight over the last couple of weeks. A rope was now required to keep her pants up and her shirts that used to fit her nicely were now baggy.
“I’m not alone. I have the Universe.” Lennox meant it too. Being alone had never bothered her to the extent it bothered most. She was more than capable of losing herself in her mind and the world around her. She had always been that way, even as a kid.
Lennox bristled when he mentioned needing a home, “I have a home,” She snapped defensively. The idea of being apart of a group would have usually excited her, but right now, she wasn’t sure she could handle it with all of the issues she had going on. It would be much harder to keep things a secret from a group of people rather than just one. But if she wanted to stay around Xander, she wasn’t sure if she had a choice.
“I don’t trust you.” She said pointedly, letting that sink in for a moment, “But I do trust the Universe and the signs point me to you. I just don’t know why yet.” It wasn’t a lie, she just left out some of the truth. She didn’t know why she had been cursed with her sickness or why Xander was her cure, but he didn’t need to know either of those things. Not until she figured out how to make things right again.
|
|
|
|
Post by Val on Mar 14, 2020 1:58:41 GMT
Xander stared at her as she rebuffed his statements and offers, his eyes darkening with resolve. She was naive and stubborn; a combination that would make her very difficult to convince. But Xander was just as headstrong as she was, and he would prove himself to her whether she liked it or not.
Fuck the Universe. He wanted to say it to her face and one day, he decided, he would. That day was not today. Instead, he shrugged, feigning indifference over her rejection, even if it frustrated him to no end. He knew a lost soul when he saw one. Once he gathered his people, she would be unable to resist the temptation of safety, companionship, and trust.
"I guess we'll just have wait and find out," he relented, brushing past her. He meandered back toward the hallway lined with mystery doors, "Come on," he called over his shoulder. Of course, he hadn't missed the growling of her stomach. Her undernourishment was evident, but that was something he could fix.
Stopping in front of one of the doors, he shoved it open and struck up another one of his remaining matches, lighting up a candle that sat upon a shelf near the entrance. Instantly, the room was washed in a soft glow, revealing a line of shelves stocked full of jars of nonperishable foods. He strode toward the end of the narrow room, where a dusty table and some chairs were set up. He fell into one of the chairs and leaned back to observe Lennox, "Take whatever you'd like."
|
|
|
|
Post by starrea on Mar 14, 2020 14:28:26 GMT
Lennox’s mouth had always been three steps ahead of her mind and it took her another half a minute or so to realize what he had offered her. She offer was so foreign to her that she didn’t know what to think. No one had ever offered something so meaningful to her. And for a second, she allowed herself to believe that there was no hidden agenda or ulterior motive to his offer. She allowed herself to believe that he genuinely wanted her. But then logic kicked in and she had learned time and time again that people were selfish and corrupt.
Lennox lingered for a second as Xander blew by her and she almost felt guilty for her rash words, especially after he had offered her a family. Even though she was suspicious, it didn’t dull the longing for a meaningful connection with someone. She followed him, fully expecting him to show her the way out, but he pushed open another door instead.
Lennox’s mouth watered at the room full of food. With his permission, she reached out and grabbed some dried fruit, but despite her instincts to eat as much as she could stomach, she hesitated. After a long pause, she put the fruit back and dusted her hands off on her pants. Her stomach rumbled in protest.
There were only two reasons why someone would offer something. The first was if they were giving away to someone they genuinely cared about but seeing as Xander barely knew Lennox, it couldn’t be that. The second was if they were going to expect something in return. Nothing was free and she had learned to always learn the price before she indulged. It was the kind of mistake she only made once.
She found an empty wall space and leaned against it, watching Xander watch her. “What if I don’t want a family?” She finally asked, “What if I just want you?”
|
|
|
|
Post by Val on Mar 14, 2020 23:23:18 GMT
Xander watched her, feeling satisfied when she reached for the food, only to grow more frustrated when she denied his offer yet again by placing it back on the shelf. He frowned this time, his foot tapping anxiously against the floor. Why was she refusing his help? Her irrationality was going to drive him crazy.
Just when he was about to question her, she spoke. He absorbed the question, finding that it only made him more confused. He leaned forward in the chair, holding her gaze, "What do you want from me?" he asked, genuinely dumbfounded by her fascination with him. He'd offered her everything he had to give, and yet she was unsatisfied.
"Why only me?" he pressed further, rising from the chair. He looked like he wanted to advance on her, but rooted himself on the far side of the room, "I don't understand what you want."
|
|
|
|
Post by starrea on Mar 15, 2020 0:00:19 GMT
It was becoming increasingly obvious that both of them knew things the other didn’t and they wouldn’t be able to move forward until someone showed their cards. Lennox didn’t move as Xander got up, not sharing his irritation, but she didn’t dismiss it either. She knew she could be irritating to deal with.
She shrugged as her mind tried to figure out a way to reveal just enough without revealing everything, “I don’t trust people. But I trust you more than I trust most people. Anyway, I’ve been told I’m hard to get along with.” It was a poor attempt at humor in an unusually tense moment and it didn’t really come out as much of a joke as she would have liked.
“What do you want? I barely know you and now you’re showing me your secret hideout and offering me food. You can’t expect me to believe that you’re that charitable.” She raised an eyebrow and continued, “Nothing is free. So what’s your price for the food?”
Lennox paused again. Her thoughts were scattered and it was hard to reign them in. She took a deep breath before she continued, this time breaking her gaze away from Xander to look down at the ground. It was hard to see under the dim lighting, but her cheeks were pink with embarrassment. “I just need to be by you. For now. It’s complicated.” Lennox visibly cringed at the sound of her own words. It sounded a million times worse out loud, “I like you.” She blurted out in an effort to save herself. It didn’t work and Lennox clamped her mouth shut and tried to look anywhere but at Xander.
|
|
