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Post by starrea on Apr 21, 2020 21:33:39 GMT
Roman took the glass from Caspian but didn’t immediately down it, too preoccupied with Caspian’s words. He had always associated his growth with external milestones - like when he had been promoted to Advisor. The idea of moving forward without having some form of recognition or prize was baffling. How did it work? How could you move forward without having anything to show by it? At the end of the day, Caspian did live a very repetitive routine. How could he be ambitious by doing the same thing day in and day out?
Despite the fact that his mind couldn’t entirely understand the concept, he didn’t write it off. There were certain perks to Caspian’s life that sounded extremely pleasant to Roman. As much as he needed to push himself to succeed at the highest level, the idea that Caspian’s life would remain unchanged should everyone disappear was intriguing. Even living in the castle, Roman kept himself isolated. He found little need for companionship and the isolation and self-reliance of Caspian’s lifestyle was pleasing.
He finally knocked back the drink back but hardly felt he burn this time. He closed his eyes as his head swam and when he opened them, he had to focus to force Caspian into focus.
“No, it doesn’t bother me. I don’t know how I would handle it. I’ve always marked my success with... things. I needed the proof that I was doing something, going somewhere. I’m just relieved that you aren’t just doing nothing. I don’t think I could respect someone who does nothing.” The alcohol was definitely making Roman’s lips loose and the words tumbled out one after another, his brain too foggy to realize what he had said.
“Your turn. Ask me something.” Roman leaned back against the wall, eyes struggling to keep Caspian in focus. He suddenly realized they weren’t touching and he shifted his legs so one of them pressed up against Caspian’s body. It wasn’t much, but it felt right.
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Post by Val on Apr 22, 2020 21:11:08 GMT
Caspian blinked in surprise, sure he had heard Roman wrong. He hadn't expected to be given permission to start asking things, but it appeared the alcohol was doing the trick. He smoothed a hand up Roman's leg as it shifted closer, pondering what he wanted to know and, more importantly, what Roman would be willing to share.
"What are you most proud of?" he asked, feeling inclined to continue the topic that Roman seemed quite focused on, "You speak of success and ambition; what has brought you those things? And not just because your King praised you," he mused, wondering briefly what that relationship was like. He couldn't imagine anyone holding power over Roman, "Something you truly cared about."
Caspian rested his chin on his arm and gazed up at Roman as attentively as he could given the amount of alcohol he'd consumed. He finally felt content as they laid there, and he wanted Roman to know that this was all he'd been asking for- to know more about the man he was falling for.
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Post by starrea on Apr 24, 2020 21:09:32 GMT
The alcohol only intensified the heat beneath Caspian’s touch on Roman’s leg and he hummed lightly in approval. He loved that he had all of Caspian’s attention and it only made it sweeter that Caspian was still naked. He couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering down Caspian’s body for several long seconds before his gaze found Caspian’s face again.
“I’m proud of being chief advisor to the King.” He answered immediately. The position he had acquired a few years ago had been his ultimate achievement, and hadn’t been something previously done by someone born outside of nobility. Even with the help of his ability, it had taken years of preparation and training. He had shaped his entire life around moving up the ladder and securing a lucrative position in power.
But that answer felt... hollow. There wasn’t much else in his life. He didn’t have friends or partners or even family. He didn’t have hobbies. He had his work, his training, and his secrets. Most of his work wasn’t even aligned with conventional morals, which usually didn’t bother him all that much but he had a feeling that Caspian valued morality.
“Years ago, do you remember the witch who could turn herself into smoke? The one who was destroying towns? I was apart of the task force that helped apprehend her.” He hadn’t even really remembered that story but it was one of the truly heroic acts he had been apart of and he wanted Caspian to be proud of him.
His answers still felt inadequate but that was all he had. Despite his shady morals, Roman always tried to do the best for his kingdom and took great pride in managing affairs from behind the scenes. Even when intoxicated, Roman had never even fought the urge to divulge any of the secrets he held - but right now, in that moment, Roman found himself tempted to tell Caspian about the corruption and upheaval in Raevaryn.
“
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Post by starrea on Apr 24, 2020 21:10:24 GMT
(post sent too early)
“What are you scared of?” Roman asked instead, looking down at where Caspian was touching him.
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Post by Val on Apr 26, 2020 22:00:28 GMT
Caspian pondered the answer, recalling the 'witch' he was referring to. He'd been young and rather aloof when the event took place, but it was something that made an impact on him. He remembered thinking that he could be ostracized for his abilities as well, even if he was harmless compared to the girl. It was part of the reason he'd moved away from society, out of fear that he'd eventually be targeted.
Roman's question interrupted his train of thought, practically reading his mind. He was hesitant to squash Roman's accomplishments with his fears, but he had to be honest, "I'm afraid of one day becoming the scapegoat. Fear can cause people to do terrible things. I know that I'm not a threat, but people don't often take kindly to those with talents like ours." He studied Roman's expression carefully, wondering if he'd ever felt victimized for his abilities, or if his position gave him a sense of security, "I know what it's like to be shunned and harassed and..." he shook his head, not wanting to think about the how lost he'd been in his youth, "But I could never pretend to be something I'm not."
Caspian shifted into a sitting position so that he could look more closely into Roman's eyes, as though searching for something in particular, "What do you use your ability for?" he asked, not caring if the question would make Roman uncomfortable. The man had already attempted to influence him, so he was aware that Roman abused his power in some capacity. It was clear by now that they had different moral compasses, but that didn't bother him. He felt that they could learn from each other, and his instincts told him that Roman was a good person. He simply wanted to know what Roman was capable of.
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Post by starrea on Apr 27, 2020 23:31:04 GMT
Roman’s jaw ticked as he listened to Caspian. The whole subject of supernatural ability and fear were two areas that Roman felt strongly and the alcohol only amplified his resolve.
“First of all, we are nothing like that witch.” Roman snapped, giving Caspian a long stare until he was sure Caspian had absorbed what he said. Despite his obvious abilities, Roman had never put himself in the same category as others with special abilities and it was suddenly important that Caspian do the same. “We are not reckless and destructive and murderers. People like her and that werewolf that slaughtered the Queen are the reason why we need more measures in place to monitor these sorts of people before they go on a rampage. Did you know that no one knew he was freaking werewolf before that night? I don’t think Alister realizes how unstable the kingdom is and how susceptible it is to attack. We have no idea how potentially dangerous any of our citizens are and all we need is one extremely dangerous loose cannon and the whole damn thing will fall to shit.”
Roman paused, as if finally realizing what he was saying, and took a moment to collect himself. The alcohol had definitely done it’s job and lowered his guard. “And you shouldn’t be scared. Fear is a product of ignorance and being unprepared and if you remedy that, there is no reason to be afraid.” He wanted Caspian to feel a little judged for that because it was a stupid fear. Anyway, the system was so rigged that as long as Caspian was with Roman, he was protected.
Roman bristled at the next question, eyes narrowed. “I use it when necessary. But less than you probably think. I got where I am today because I’m a good advisor, not because I forced someone to hand me the position.” He said shortly. Even though a handful of people knew about his ability, he had never, not once, talked about it before.
He needed to take a minute to calm himself down. The moonshine wasn’t doing anything to help Roman’s already-short fuse and Caspian was like a match.
“What was your first impression of me?” Roman asked, the buzz he had going lulling him back into relaxation.
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Post by Val on Apr 28, 2020 19:27:01 GMT
Caspian listened to Roman's impassioned tirade, feeling strangely reassured by the time he had finished. Never in his adult life had Caspian relied on someone else for to take care of him, but he liked the idea of Roman protecting him if everything did fall to shit. He had plenty of questions now that Roman had let slip the problems that Raevaryn was facing. It was clearly a topic that weighed heavy on Roman's mind and he wanted to offer his support, if only Roman would accept it.
He pressed his lips together as Roman deflected on the topic of his abilities. Caspian hadn't been suggesting he cheated his way to the top. Rather, he wanted to know what Roman considered 'necessary'. He'd obviously felt it was necessary to use it against a random farmer the moment he felt threatened.
"Hmm," Caspian considered the question, allowing his eyes to travel down Roman's body, "I thought you were handsome," he replied, smirking suggestively. The playful look faded slightly as he met Roman's gaze again, "You were- are- intimidating," he continued, "But then you arrested me...and I realized that you were afraid. More afraid than I was." He wasn't sure if Roman would admit such a thing, but he had watched the shock register on Roman's face the moment he lost control of the situation. Caspian was sure he was the only person on earth that had witnessed that side of Roman.
"You don't have to shield me from the problems you're facing," he insisted, reaching out to place his hand over Roman's, "I want to help; even if that just means letting you vent to me. You can trust me."
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Post by starrea on Apr 29, 2020 19:34:35 GMT
Roman closed his eyes for a second, his head swimming. It was becoming evidently clear that Roman shouldn’t drink around Caspian ever again. He had the unnerving ability to crash through every one of Roman’s meticulously built walls. They needed to talk about something safer, something that didn’t create an opportunity for Roman to unravel.
He hadn’t realized how much he needed to hear Caspian’s approval until his words physically caused him to relax muscles he hadn’t even realized were tense. For a second, Roman had hoped that Caspian would just move past everything Roman had just spilled, but of course he wouldn’t. That’s apparently what they did, they pushed each other until one of them fell over the edge.
Roman opened his eyes and fixed his glare on Caspian. Even if a small part of Roman had been scared, he would die before he admitted it out loud and he wasn’t going to stand for Caspian saying it either. Fear was the enemy, one that could be entirely eliminated through education and preparation. As soon as fear had power, the game was already over. He shoved Caspian’s hand off of his leg and swung his legs off of the bed and sat up. His fists clenched and he wanted to hit Caspian. He wanted to show him he wasn’t afraid.
“I’m not fucking scared.” He growled, giving Caspian a good, hard shove. It wasn’t as satisfying as a hit but he wouldn’t do that to Caspian, even if he were angry. “I wasn’t fucking scared then and I’m not fucking scared now. I came here, I was with you. I’m not fucking scared.”
Roman backed off when he realized how pissed he was getting and ran a hand through his hair. “Fuck, just... I’m not fucking scared. Don’t say that.” He snapped, before he looked away, clenching and unclenching his fists.
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Post by Val on Apr 30, 2020 18:27:50 GMT
Caspian accepted the shoves and watched innocently as Roman retreated from the conversation. He hadn't expected his words to have such an affect on Roman, but it was just another look deeper into his complicated psyche. He felt compelled to prod further and force Roman to accept that fear was inevitable, but he already felt guilty for overwhelming him. It was too much, too soon.
He allowed a few moments to pass between them, giving Roman time to calm down before he sat up and followed. He stood on his knees on the bed behind Roman and smoothed his hands over his tensed shoulders, "I won't say it," he agreed, once again working to massage the stress away. Someone or something made Roman this way, and he was determined to get to the bottom of it one day.
"Aren't you going to share your first impression of me?" he mused quietly, leaning against Roman's back until he could reach one of his hands. He pressed on his fingers adamantly, forcing his fist to unclench. Roman was clearly accustomed to letting out his frustration through violence, but Caspian trusted he wouldn't resort to that. If he was going to hurt him, he'd already had plenty of opportunities to do so.
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Post by starrea on Apr 30, 2020 19:55:39 GMT
Roman tried to reel in his thoughts but the alcohol-induced fog made it hard. He could the voices, their tones taunting: ‘Are you scared yet?’. The thoughts ricocheted off of his skull and bounced around, refusing to be quieted. Fear wasn’t an option because as soon as fear crept in, the game was already lost. He had trained his entire life to play the game and he couldn’t lose now. He was educated and prepared, even with everything falling to shit. He wasn’t scared. He wasn’t scared. He wasn’t scared.
The only thing that broke Roman out of his descent into his own head was Caspian’s touch. Against Roman’s will, his tension in his muscles bled out under the careful touch of Caspian’s fingers. Roman was still baffled by how easily this man could unravel him without even really trying. He dangled him over the edge only to pull him back to safety. He had prepared for everything, so why wasn’t he prepared for Caspian? Why couldn’t he keep his shit together even after he knew what to expect?
Roman melted back into Caspian. His touch was the only thing that made sense right now. He was grateful that Caspian changed the subject to something lighter but he wasn’t naive enough to think that Caspian wouldn’t circle back around.
“Hmmm... I thought you were... uneducated. Simple. Unimportant.” Roman paused, struggling to choose his words carefully since both his first impression and the moonshine were working against him, “I have rarely been wrong in my life. I leave very little to chance. But I couldn’t have been more wrong about you.” Caspian’s touch was hot against his skin and it was hard not to lose himself in it.
“Although I still think you’re dangerous. Not to Raevaryn, but to me. I think you could bend me until I break without missing a beat.” He mused quietly. To stay in such a vulnerable situation went against everything Roman believed in but he was finding that time and time again he couldn’t make himself leave.
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Post by Val on May 2, 2020 18:11:09 GMT
Caspian felt Roman melt beneath his touch, wondering what could possibly be running through his mind. He wanted to know more, but Roman was making the process exceptionally difficult. It was a true testament to his patience, but he welcomed the unfamiliar challenge, for once in his life.
He pinched Roman's skin in admonishment as he listed off a rather insulting description, though the soft chuckle that escaped him proved it didn't really bother him. Besides, Roman managed to follow it up with a heartwarming statement that made up for the insensitivity, as far as Caspian was concerned. Roman was proving himself to be a romantic at heart, but Caspian decided it was best to keep that comment to himself, along with the pleased smile that graced his lips behind Roman's back.
"Dangerous, hmm?" he repeated curiously. He pressed on Roman's shoulders, guiding him down on the bed until his head hit the pillows. Caspian followed suit, but propped himself up so he could look down at the man, "Maybe I could. But I don't want to break you. I want to understand you." A look of determination filled his gaze and he held eye contact, wanting Roman to know he meant it, "Make no mistake. I will unravel you, Roman," he promised.
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Post by starrea on May 3, 2020 3:46:49 GMT
Roman allowed Caspian to guide him until he was laying down next to Caspian. He molded his body against Caspian’s unconsciously, trying to maximize the amount they touched. He couldn’t help it, he had never felt such a strong desire to simply touch another person.
When Caspian propped up to look at him, Roman took the opportunity to really study his face. It wasn’t that Roman had been into women before Caspian, because he hadn’t, but he hadn’t been into anyone before Caspian. Sure, he had found a few men sort of attractive a handful of times, but nothing compared to the striking features of Caspian and he wondered how the hell he missed it when they first met.
Roman chuckled but it was obviously a nervous chuckle. He was sure - or at least hoping - that Caspian wouldn’t mean to break him, but Roman wasn’t sure how sustainable this was. It was passionate and all consuming, but how long would this sort of passion last? If they kept up like this, Roman was bound to be an alcoholic by the end of the month.
“Mmm, maybe a little.” Roman agreed, because it was obvious that Caspian could basically snap his fingers and Roman unraveled. But Roman was confident that even Caspian wouldn’t be able to unravel him all the way - even if Roman broke, there were some secrets that would always be his.
“You got what you wanted - I talked. You even got some secrets. So it’s your turn, we need to even the playing field. Give me one of your secrets.” He said softly, one of his hands shaking up to grab a fistful of Caspian’s hair. He didn’t pull, but he threat was there.
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Post by Val on May 3, 2020 20:07:19 GMT
Caspian had started to lower his head toward the pillow as the alcohol caught up to him, but Roman's grip on his hair stopped him. He blinked sleepily and sighed, closing his eyes as he tried to come up with something to appease Roman. His mind immediately landed on the one thing that would probably drive Roman mad, but it was something he should know sooner rather than later. His subconscious had been practically begging him to spill it, and now that Caspian was drunk, he was feeling exceptionally courageous.
"You're not the first Raevaryn man I've had a relationship with," he kept his eyes closed, wanting to get it all out before he had to face Roman, "I got involved with one of your soldiers. He wanted to use my farm to harbor Raevaryn prisoners." Oh, gods. He hadn't wanted to disclose the details, but he couldn't help himself. He didn't want to withhold information from Roman, "It was some time ago. Nothing much came of it," he insisted, finally opening his eyes to witness whatever reaction Roman would have to the information. It was a double dose of secrets, but Caspian had never really been a secretive guy. He wanted it off of his chest.
Caspian felt his heart beat quicken with apprehension, the turn in conversation managing to sober him up a bit. He hadn't spoken to Monroe in a long time. Whatever had been between them was nothing like his connection with Roman. However, the man had opened his eyes in a number of ways, and he was grateful for their time together. Of course, he had no idea that the lord had fallen victim to the werewolf attack. Even more worrisome was the fact that Caspian had almost wound up in a plot against Roman, especially now that he knew how passionate the man was about maintaining control over dangerous individuals.
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Post by starrea on May 4, 2020 0:19:26 GMT
It took Roman a few minutes for the information Caspian gave him to fully sink in. The revelation slowly washed over him, extinguishing all of the warmth from Caspian’s body pressed up against his. Roman had a long list of things he did not like, and while lawbreakers were definitely on that list, what irritated him the most was that it would have directly been going against him. Rationally, he knew Caspian hadn’t known Roman at the time so there couldn’t have been anything personal about it - but he had way too much moonshine and way too little experience in dealing with emotions to be rational. He was just pissed.
Men had gone against him before, but it stung that Caspian, at one point, had tried to work against him. Roman had assumed they had something between them, but maybe he was wrong. This is why he avoided this relationship bullshit in the first place - it clouded judgement. He hadn’t been able to see clearly since the day Caspian walked into his life.
It was an insult to everything he had worked for. He dedicated his life to Raevaryn and one of his own men had tried to go behind his back. There was only way Roman would settle this and that was with the spilling of the traitor amongst his men. Caspian would give him a name whether he wanted to or not.
Roman’s hand tightened in Caspian’s hair, pulling his back roughly as his face morphed into a scowl. His paranoia was coming back full throttle. “Is that why you wanted to manipulate me? To gain access to my secrets?” He threw Caspian’s head back, releasing him with a fleeting look of disgust before he swung himself out of the bed and started hunting for his clothes. Fuck this, he didn’t need this. He had been right all along - Caspian was a mistake.
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Post by Val on May 4, 2020 1:08:53 GMT
Caspian had expected the worst the moment he'd made the decision to share the details, and yet he wasn't at all prepared for Roman's reaction. He winced as Roman yanked him by the hair, momentarily immobilized as he was berated with the hurtful accusations. As soon as he was released, he fell back onto the bed and scooted away from Roman, glaring after him as he stormed around the bedroom. Perhaps he should have regretted sharing the truth, but he didn't. Roman needed to hear it and deal with it, or risk finding it out later on.
"Of course not!" he retorted. He could feel himself growing angry and panicky as he realized that Roman was preparing to leave. He wanted to push the emotions aside, knowing it would only stoke the fire, but he couldn't. No mattered how hard he tried to make up for Roman's instability, he was only human, too. "I didn't even know what I was doing. He saw that I was compassionate and he convinced me to help. But it's over now!"
As he tried to explain, it occurred to him for the first time that he might've been manipulated by Monroe. The realization made him falter and he rubbed his hands over his face, feeling overwhelmed. When he finally managed to steel himself, he climbed off the bed and faced Roman, "Don't you dare leave. You asked, and I told you. Would you rather I have hid it from you?"
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